UAE running port security is dumb

In a new development the Bush administration has decided to turn over security of the Mexican border to Colombian drug lords. When questioned about the move, Department of Homeland Security head Michael Chertoff argued that just because a large percentage these groups are involved in smuggling drugs doesn’t mean that they are all bad apples. “The screening process, which is classified, is very rigorous. And it worked here” Chertoff claimed.

In the interview, Chertoff let slip that there is an ongoing screening process in G’itmo to identify prisoners there that might be used as Air Marshals. “We can’t keep them there [G’itmo] forever and meaningful employment is one way to get them to stop hating us” Chertoff said. The two new programs in conjunction with the UAE East coast port security deal are apparently aimed at an al Qaeda full employment program being run out of DHS.

Asked about other initiatives the DHS was taking to protect the homeland, Chertoff explained that he had proposed an idea where Iranians would take over control of several of our nuclear power plants. “Let’s just let them see what a pain in the backside these plants can be with all of the federal regulation. I think six weeks of tying to navigate the sea of red tape associated with nuclear power will be enough to dissuade anyone from ever thinking nuclear power is a viable alternative to fossil fuels.”

Asked about the threat North Korea posed Chertoff said, “Look those poor people are starving over there. Maybe, as a good will gesture, we can hire several thousand to come over here under a maintenance contract for Air Force One and other government equipment and facilities.” “Like missile silos?” asked one reporter. “Now you’re just being silly” Chertoff replied.

Dick Cheney needs to show up DHS headquarters toting his shotgun and find out what the hell is going on over there. The UAE running port security is like having Tony Stewart making sure that Matt Kenseth’s car has enough gas to finish the race at the last pit stop of a NASCAR event. DUMB.