Foley scandal II

Were I Speaker Hastert, I’d call a news conference at noon today and say this:

“Good afternoon. I’m here to make my last statement on the scandal of disgraced Congressman Mark Foley. First, unlike Democrats Studds, Kennedy and Clinton to name but three of a very long list of Democrats caught in scandal, Mark Foley had the good sense to resign.

“He’s gone. So the Democrats and the MSM have turned their sights on me. Fine as you can see, I’m a big boy. I will not resign, because I’ve done nothing wrong. I thought that telling Foley to knock it off and having the FBI investigate the situation was sufficient action for a sitting member of congress. The FBI and several newspapers found that there was insufficient reason, based on the ‘overly friendly’ e-mails, to suspect that Foley was as demented as he turned out to be. Only Democrats in hindsight have pointed out that a gay man can't be trusted with e-mail to a page and that that alone should have set off warning bells. That said, if I’d know what a pervert Foley was, I’d certainly have done more. I didn’t and I regret that.

“But somebody did know more. Somebody saved the three year old instant messages and provided them to the media. I’d like to know who that was. I’d like to know how long that individual knew we had a pervert in our midst and did nothing. Now I’ll take some questions, but that is all I have to say about Foley until the investigation is completed.”

Reporter: When did you first find out about Foley?

Hastert: That’s a very good question. The biggest difference between us and Democrats is that we take the war on terror seriously. Seriously enough to give the president and our troops the tools they need to keep America safe. A majority of Democrat in the House opposed every piece of anti-terror legislation that came up this session, from opposing eavesdropping on terrorists calling into the country, to allowing the CIA to question al Qaeda operatives, the Democrats sided with the terrorists against America. Harry Reid bragged that he’d killed the Patriot Act – the most important legislative tool in our war on terror.

Reporter: Huh? I asked about Foley.

Hastert: That’s an excellent point. Democrats are sure to raise your taxes. We are sure to make current tax cuts permanent and seek additional ways to lower the onerous tax burden the federal government has placed on the American worker.

Reporter: Hello! We want to know about Foley.

Hastert: Well of course we supported closing America’s borders to illegal immigration – a move House Democrats opposed. If elected to the majority, Democrats will certainly introduce amnesty legislation for the 12 million people who have entered our country illegally. Thank you and have a nice day.