How the "hike" went down

Ahhh, Haaa! I saw this on Drudge:


"I think we ought to suspend, perhaps, elections for Congress for two years and just tell them we won't hold it against them, whatever decisions they make, to just let them help this country recover. I really hope that someone can agree with me on that."

Suspend elections! That’s Lex’s conspiracy theory # whatever. Now, who said this? One of the cast members from Jersey Shore? Michael, during an episode of The Office? Russian president/prime minister/chief commissar for the politburo for life Vladimir Putin? No, no and no. It was NC Demo-Dope governor Bev Perdue. When questioned about the comment later, she swears she was “joking.” No one laughed. According to those present her voice was level and aside from not being funny, it didn’t appear to be a Slow Joe Biden attempt at humor like the famous, “Stand up Harvey. Let them see you. Oh, yeah. That’s right. God bless you. Well just give them a wave from your wheelchair.” That’s comedy gold right up there at the top, along with them racist, homophobe Earth hatein’ Tea Baggin’ son of bitches can go straight to hell. I’m still laughing.

OK, I’ve had a massive number of e-mails (nearly one) wanting my take on the Iranian “hikers” being freed.

Conspiracy theory #7

At least one of the three was in fact a spy. My guess is it was the chick. Now who she was spying for is anyone’s guess. In today’s world, it could have been the US, Iraq, Israel, Russia or some group inside Iran.

What’s your evidence? Hey this is my conspiracy theory. The whole point of a conspiracy theory is that you can make outrageous charges, but you don’t have to prove squat. But ok, here goes.

It has to be the chick. Why? Well why else would two dudes go hiking on the unmarked Iraq Iran border? Here’s how this whole thing went down.

Sam: Hey Bill, you want to get up early tomorrow and go hiking on that unmarked stretch of the Iranian border?

Bill. You’re out of your mind. STFU.

Sam: Yeah, what was I thinking? What a dumb@$$ idea.

Then, the very next minute:

Mary: Hey, Sam and Bill, do you guys want to get up early tomorrow and go hiking on that unmarked stretch of the Iranian border?  I just got a new bra-less tank top and some short, short hiking shorts I want to try out.

Sam: That’s a great idea. I was just thinking the very same thing.

Bill: Heck yeah. I’m in, as long as we can leave early enough to catch the sunrise.

Next, the chick gets out first and pretty much clams up, keeps a low profile and fades away. The guys get out and are yaking up a storm in true Stockholm Syndrome fashion. They are making the rounds trashing the US and anyone else they can for their own stupidity – wait is that strong enough – no, colossal stupidity. No wait still not strong enough. The leviathan of all stupidity. The things that they have said lately give some insight as to why they were on that border in the first place. They’re dopes.

The only way to confirm this theory is if Richard the dick Armitage outs the chick for being a spy and Scooter Libby goes to jail for it.

It is rumored that Sean Penn played a role in their release. Maybe he coughed up the million bucks. If so, way to go Sean. Penn is pretty much a dope, but I admired him when he went to New Orleans to help out after Katrina. I can still see him famously launching his rowboat sans the bung plug. But hey, he went down there in addition to probably writing a huge check. However, none of that cancels out chumming it up with Chaves and Castro. Politically, Penn is as dumb as the three “hikers.”