Useful idiots

High a top the five star hotel in Tehran (which means it occasionally has running water), Osama bin Laden rests while hooked to a dialysis machine. Suddenly the door bursts open and in rushes Ayman al Zawahiri with a DVD in hand. “You gotta see this!” gushes Zawahiri. “What?” OBL responds. Quickly, Dr. Z fumbles with the DVD player. After fifteen minutes of trying a ten year old house boy is summonsed to get the thing to play and set the clock so it won’t continually flash 12:00.

As the TV comes to life there is Dick Durbin comparing US troops to Nazis, Soviets who ran the gulag and Pol Pot. OBL is laughing out loud, “You gotta be defecating me. Is this guy really railing against his own troops on floor of the US senate? I thought the infidel Democrats were like infidel Republicans in that they all supported the troops.” Dr. Z responds, “They only pretend to be. The closer to elections the more they pretend. But wait there’s more.”

Nancy Pelosi comes on the screen prattling on about Gitmo and says something about closing Gitmo giving the US "a clean slate in the Muslim world." OBL laughs so hard one of the hoses comes lose on the dialysis machine. “Is she nuts? Gitmo’s got nothing whatever to do with it. It didn’t when we blew them up in their embassies. It didn’t when we blew them up on their war ship. It didn’t when we crashed four of their planes into buildings and a field. And what in Allah’s name is wrong with her face? Did someone use a staple gun to get her eyebrows arched like that and her eyes so permanently wide open?” Dr. Z notes, “No it’s a thing called botox. It’s supposed to make you look young but usually ends up making you look dopey. These are the representatives of the party of appeasement in the US. They’d rather lose the war as long as pig-dog Bush is in office than let him have victory. So they undermine his every effort in squashing us.” OBL quizzes, “So, they are on our side?” “No, not really, they are what the Soviets referred to as ‘useful idiots.’ They just what to lose as long as Bush is in charge. You might say their Bush hatred trumps their love of country.”

Next come Pat Leahy followed by Howard Dean followed by John McCain et al until Dr. Z has to turn off the TV to keep OBL from hurting himself from laughing too much. OBL sighs between chuckles, “Just when I thought we were getting our butts kicked good, these guys come and cheer me up. I’d almost thought of quitting. But now I think if we can kill a few more, Thomas L. Friedman will call it a quagmire then our modern day Jane Fondas will demand the US quit the war. Dr. Z, let’s celebrate, another bubble pipe and some goat’s eye stew please.”