Lex addresses the nation

Lex could have done the president’s speech on immigration last night in about two minutes:

Good evening my fellow Americans. For illegal aliens, it’s time for you to go.

Craven American politicians have allowed an untenable situation to exist on our southern border for 25 years. They have given you a wink and nod and you came to do “the jobs Americans wouldn’t do for $.50 an hour.” We have subsidized whole industries on your backs. Were I to propose subsidies for the auto industry like we allow in say, agriculture through our blind eye to labor practices, free market conservatives and union leaders would rightly howl like stuck pigs. Tonight I’m announcing the end of such subsidies. Any employer hiring illegal aliens will be fined $10,000 the first offense and jailed for 18 months on the second offense. We will be aggressive and relentless in pursuing, not illegal aliens but, those who are being subsidized by the cheap labor of illegal aliens.

Next, there will be no amnesty or guest worker program or path to citizenship or whatever the latest euphemism for amnesty. See, if you’re doing the work Americans won’t do, it’s silly to make you American citizens because then you won’t do that work. If you don’t do the work then we’ll need to get 11-20 million more illegal aliens in here to take your place.

Next, I will not allow one dime of federal money to be spent on illegal aliens for anything other than life saving measures. No welfare. No schools. No driver’s licenses. Any state not in full compliance will lose all federal funding.

Next, children of illegal aliens will no longer be considered American citizens. These children in many cases are conceived for the express purpose of creating an “anchor” for illegal aliens in America. People say, awww you can’t break up the family. The children are American citizens. Well, not anymore.

Next, the idea of a fence, wall or ditch along our southern border is a bit off-putting to me. Six months ago I informed Vicente Fox that if he didn’t clean up his side of the border, a 12’ fence and a 16’ wall would be constructed with a 100 yard no-mans land in-between with 24-7 surveillance along every inch of our border. In the mean time any Mexican law enforcement or military caught on the US side or facilitating illegal aliens’ entry into the US would be shot. Mr. Fox has been much more cooperative.

Last, it is said that you cannot deport 11 million people. How do we know? We’ve not even tried to deport 1 million. But I think once there are no jobs, no benefits, no citizenship, illegal aliens will leave on their own accord.

Good night and God Bless America.