NASA is out of the right stuff

Uh oh, the planet formerly thought to have a fever now has a…wait for it…wait for it…CHILL. Does that mean that the planet has the flu – you know hot then cold hot then cold?

But a CHILL, holy cow that would put us back in the 70s, a time when Time Magazine and gullible high school teachers were telling a much younger Lex to get out the parka and snow pants because we were on the verge of another ice age. As of today, the polar ice is again accumulating faster than normal, record lows are being reported all over the northern hemisphere and damn it snow is already falling in record amounts.

So what’s a global warming lunatic to do? First, deny everything. Next, admit nothing. Last, make up data to support your claim. In a sophomoric attempt at the latter, NASA was caught fudging data to depict October 2008 as the hottest on record. But the only thing NASA ended up proving is that if you use September temperatures and call them October’s it is pretty easy for a real scientist to figure it out.

That’s right Mr. and Mrs. America your tax dollars are hard at work for NASA to prove global warming – no matter what the science says to the contrary. When the warming data for October didn’t fit the NASA warming model, global warming’s Gobbles some dope named Dr. James Hansen who heads up something called NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies just threw in some of September’s numbers until he got the results for October that proved his theory.

The trouble for Dr. Hansen is that there are whole bunches of scientists out there, and some of them are actually interested in science. So when the NASA data was scrutinized by – get this – a couple of Canadians, they discovered that NASA had run September’s temperatures for the Russian plains in October’s data.

Canadians!? YGBSM! How the hell do the Canadians catch NASA cheating? I don’t know what to be more embarrassed about, NASA cheating or NASA getting caught at it by the Canadians. They don’t even have a space program. The Canadian idea of a “space shot” is a seven liquor bar drink topped off with some 151 rum, set on fire and tossed back on cold Montréal night.

NASA! These are the guys who faked moon shots for crying out loud. That myth has held up since the last “moon landing” in 1972. Now they try to fudge some temperature data and get caught in less than month by – no, HELL NO not the KGB – the Canadians.

I grew up in the day when school was delayed so kids could stay home and watch NASA’s rocket launches. Then there were school assemblies to watch the rocket launches. Then they played the audio of the launches over the school intercom. I read the “The Right Stuff” with awe, watched Apollo 13 with pride and marveled at the space shuttle.

Now NASA - the people who has had the country in the palm of their hand for the last 40 years – gets caught fudging global warming data -- by the GD Canadians. But we should have seen this coming. Ever since NASA was infiltrated by Lib loons who though it was time to do away with the toxic glue that held the heat tiles on the underbelly of the space shuttle a bit too tightly in place for a bit less sticky but environmentally friendly glue – which ended in the spectacular explosion of one shuttle – we should have known this coming.

Yet it continues, just this week NASA lost a $100,000 tool bag during a space walk. When I wander into the woods with my $5 mag pen light, I tie it to my belt with a bit of twine. I don’t know what I’d do with $100,000 worth of tools – probably throw ‘em on log; lay down for nap; wake up and walk off without them.

Urine tests are definitely in order at NASA.
GBBM