In Sunday's Ft. Wayne Urinal Gazette, the following letter won the Golden Pen Award.  The writer, one Chad Ryan, is a black Associate Professor at Ft. Wayne's St. Francis University.  The headline alone proves that you'd not want to be paying tuition to that university to have one of your kids sit in one of AP Ryan's classes.

Stutzman willing to see poor children go hungry
In the recent Congressional debate about the farm bill, Republicans proposed slashing $20 billion from the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program over 10 years.

Some holier-than-thou advocates for children call this cruel. Luckily, Rep. Marlin Stutzman sees that the only problem with these cuts is that they don’t go far enough. He suggested upping the amount to $30 billion.

You can guess what the reality-based crowd will say to this. They’ll point out Stutzman has taken more than $200,000 from the government for his own farming operations over the past 15 years. They’ll remind us Stutzman has claimed he was forced to take these government handouts when, in fact, he wasn’t. They might even use the word “hypocrite” to describe Stutzman.

All of us in Indiana’s 3rd Congressional District should be thankful that when not being frog-marched to the bank by government thugs and forced to cash those five-digit checks he didn’t even ask for, Stutzman has devoted time to sorting out the real culprits behind our economic woes: hungry kids.

Never one to tire of tilting at wind mills, Lex blasted the Urinal Gazette with this:

Wow, just when we were on a roll, along comes Chad Ryan breaking the string of conservative thinking Golden Pen awards at, what, nearly one in a row.  Oh, and how fair is it to have an Associate Professor - of English no less - at a private Catholic university competing for this prestigious writing award against us mere public school peons?  Shouldn’t he be competing in some other category such as the Platinum Pen Award for Professionals? 

I wrote a rather sarcastic letter to the editor last week that didn’t see the light of day.  After the Obama rodeo clown mask ordeal, I know why.  Left leaning statists are a thin skinned bunch and hypocrites to the core.

So if I lampoon Associate Professor Ryan’s letter, rather than argue the merit or creativity of the missive, for leftists, it’s as reflexive to scream RAAAAAAAAAASIST as it is for a dog to wag its tail at dinnertime.

Oh, and just what the heck is “frog marching?”  I haven’t heard that term since Joe Wilson wanted Karl Rove “frog marched out of the White House” because Uncle Fester look-a-like Richard Armitage outted Valarie Plame as a CIA employee to Bob Novak.  Some how, Scooter Libby ended up in jail for Armitage’s misdeed.

Four Americans were killed in Benghazi due to the incompetence of the Obama administration in general and Hillary Clinton in particular.  The same people screaming for Rove’s head because of Armitage’s abuse of leaking a name are now asking, “what difference does it make” about four dead Americans in Benghazi today.  Like I said, leftists are hypocrites to the core.

Want sarcasm?  Try this:

It’s just been reported that welfare recipients in Washington D.C. can receive in excess of $50,000 in “benefits” from over 200 federally funded programs to help the poor.

Some holier-than-thou advocates for fiscal sanity call this outrageous.  These personal responsibility zealots think the “safety net” has become a hammock.  Well just try getting into a hammock with a free Obama phone in one hand, a cold beer in the other and a lit cigarette in your mouth, without dropping your call or a hot ash on your new $80 shirt or spilling your beer.

Luckily, Democrats see that the only problem with these programs is that they don’t go far enough. They suggest upping the amount to whatever it takes to ensure no American has less than any other American.

You can guess what the reality-based crowd will say to this. They’ll point out that the country is already 17 trillion dollars in debt, which pretty much confirms that there is bottomless pit of free money available.  They’ll remind us that work is overrated and unnecessary in a country as rich as America.  They’ll tell us that there is no way that there’s even a dime’s worth of fraud, waste or abuse in any of the programs.  They’ll tell us it’s demeaning to ask recipients to lift even a finger in return for the handouts.  Besides, it is work dealing with government bureaucrats all day to get what’s coming to you in the way of freebies.

All of America should be thankful that the poor are able to cash those five-digit checks instead of devoting time looking for a real job.  Besides, everyone knows who the real culprits behind our economic woes are: Working class people selfishly trying to keep what they earned.

Print it, and send me my Golden Pen so I can smash it with a sledge hammer, burn it and bury the ashes in the outhouse.