America at sea

Picture a ship at sea. In front of the ship waters are raging tossing the ship among huge coastal rocks. There are high swells and unpredictable winds. There is no clear path for safe passage. To make matters worse, there is a giant squid twice the size of our ship trying to pull it under. Now imagine that somehow, as if by magic, as soon as hazards are safely passed by our ship those hazards slip beneath calm waters never to be seen from the ship’s aft.

Picture George Bush as the captain of our ship. He is in the boat’s pilot house, hands lashed to the ship’s wheel struggling to turn the vessel against tide and wind to avoid jagged rocks. A small crew works feverishly at the fore of our ship handling heavy lines and manning the port and starboard lookouts managing to keep the ship afloat and off the rocks, barely. A small group of brave men, under the direction of General Petraeus, are battling the giant squid. The men have hurled a dozen harpoons into the creature and cut off several of its tentacles. But the giant creature persists in trying to drag our ship under the growing waves.

On the ship’s stern is a cocktail party. Many at the cocktail party are sporting “The Captain Lied – Mutiny Now” buttons. One man complains that while the crew “fishes” off the bow, there is nobody to swab the aft decks. The host of the party, Harry Reid, calls the fight against the squid lost, Petraeus incompetent, and demands the crew leave the poor beast alone. RC Durbin compares the crew to Soviets and wants to bring them up on charges for illegal fishing. Cambodian war hero John Kerry calls the crew stupid, and says it’s the responsibility of the other sea creatures to deal with the squid. Fat Teddy Kennedy awakes from his drunken stupor long enough to mutter something about “diving into the murky waters a third time to find Mary Jo.” Nobody seems to know or have the slightest idea of what he’s talking about nor do they care.

Meanwhile, most of the other passengers on the ship sip fine drinks and sample exotic foods while checking their 401Ks on their Blackberries. They complain about the college football Bowl Championship Series and laugh about the troubles of important people like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. They know that there is struggle occurring at the bow of the ship, but they can’t imagine how those troubles could possibly affect the cocktail party at the stern. Then, in the oddest irony possible, it’s the people in the ship’s aft who are termed “weary.”

Unbelievable you say? Oh, really.