It is the day before Christmas

Gotta go do my Christmas shopping. What? There's pleanty of time. The Flying J truck stop is open all night and on Christmas morning as well.

Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the House – of Representatives,
Speaker Pelosi was wide awake,
Shouting expletives after expletives.


A man they called dope
It was hard for her to see
How W had beaten them
With his strange strateegery.


George Bush had left DC for Texas
With that smile,
That all in the MainStreamMedia
Had come to revile.


Dingy Harry too had fled
To Nevada with great zeal,
Because it was there that,
There was so much land he could steal.


So he declared the war lost
As he bid DC good bye,
A crooked land deal in Reno
He just couldn’t pass by.


He offered season’s greetings of cash
As he left town in a rush
To all that he met
From a fund made of slush.


So now Nance is stuck
In D.C. all alone
Code Pink is ready to kill
So she can not go home.


Then up on the roof
There were such cackles
It sounded like Shillery
Raising her hackles.

Then to her wondering eyes
Way off to the east
Stood a pant suited cackling
Shrillda Beast.


The woman who married one
Just to pay rent
Thought that qualification enough for
Her too, to be president.


All was going well
Until the Oprah arrived.
Then it began to falter
And her campaign dived.


It was all quite a hit
The Oprah and Obama.
Desperate, Shrill had to counter
With Chelsea and momma.


The Shrill arrived on a sleigh
Pulled by eight brooms.
Nance had to cover her nose
To guard against the sulfur fumes.


She waddled out
Thighs all a thunder,
Will this pant suit hide?
She began to wonder.


Nance had seen the photo
Of Shrill’s face all a crinkle.
Should she mention botox
To remove wrinkle after wrinkle.


It worked well for Nance
Her face all smooth and a shine.
Except for her eyebrows
They had moved above her hairline.


So Nance hollered to Shrill
Why are you here the Night before Christmas?
The Shrill replied
Looking for Bill and his brand new mistress.


I’ve look up in New York
And in Arkansas down south.
And when I find him,
I’ll give him a punch in the mouth.


But not to worry
He’ll create no more spectacles.
I still have the key to the lock box
Where I keep his testicles.


So have you seen him
And his entourage all cheers and jeers
About his new girlfriend
Jamie Lynn Spears?


Nance said no
And quick as a wit
Shrill was back in her sleigh
Shouting G&$ DAMN IT!!


Shrill lashed at her brooms
With a whip made of fire
And up and up they climbed
Higher and Higher.


As she rode out of sight
Nance heard her shout,
“When I find you Bill,
You’d better look out!”


Curse you Obama
My campaign’s a mess.
When I'm president
You’ll get to know the I-R-S.