A 700 billion here, a 800 billion there, what's another 50 billion?

I was taking Jr. into school this morning when I heard on the radio that the Dear Leader will be announcing a 50 BILLION DOLLAR plan to bailout failed mortgages. When I got back home, I told Ms. Lex about the bailout and that I knew we should have gone for the 5 bedroom, 5,700 square foot job on the lake at Twin Eagle.

So there’s the 700 BILLION DOLLAR TARP, 800 BILLION DOLLAR Reparations bill and now the 50 BILLION DOLLAR – oh what Orwellian term will they come up for this gem – Certified Refinancing and Adjustment Plan or CRAP for American Homeowners. That’s 1.55 TRILLION DOLLARS without interest, accountability or a clue of common sense from anyone in D.C.

But wait there’s more. The Dear Leader wants bankruptcy judges to have the ability to set “reasonable” mortgage terms. Now what the hell does that mean? Lemme see. If you bought a house and the payment is $100 more than you can afford, the judge can adjust the interest rate and payment schedule to make up for the $100 shortfall. If you bought the big Twin Eagle job for $1.5 million and the house is now worth $700,000, the judge can reduce the amount of the loan.

Huh? You borrow $1.5 million to buy a house and the judge, with the stroke of a pen, can say, “The loan is now for $700,000.” How the hell does that work? What happened to the other (help me out here Mrs. Ralph), uh, oh yeah, $800,000? “Oh, you poor pathetic man. That is what we in the industry call a ‘write down.’”

Oh really, how does that theory work when you eat out? The check comes and you owe $50. You leave two $20s with a note, “Just write the rest down.” Well if doesn’t work anywhere else, why do expect it’ll work here. And why does the deadbeat “write downee” get to stay in the $1.5 million dollar home? Shouldn’t the house be put on the block at the current market value so that the taxpayers - or as we like to them the “write downers” - get a shot at the property? Who knows, maybe the new owner will rent the house back to the deadbeat who didn’t make payments and – is it possible? – make some money.

Were that scenario to play out in real life, I’m sure the Dear Leader would impose rent controls and have rent control judges renegotiate the terms of the lease so that the owner would go broke.