"Cracker" the new N-word?

If the n-word and every word containing a part of the n-word or sounds like the n-word, or words spelled nearly the same way are banned – like the word niggardly – what are we to do with the word “cracker?” Given the rise of the New Black Panther videos, I guess the word “cracker” is to whites what the n-word is to blacks. Now nobody in any part of government or polite society can be heard uttering the n-word. Instead it is referred to as the n-word. Niger, niggardly and Negro are also being banned from polite discussion.


So what do we do with the word cracker? If we do not act soon, Animal Crackers will become little white cookies of men dressed badly sporting golf clubs or overweight guys drinking Duff Beer. Cracker Jack will become, You a cracker, Jack! This will have a huge impact on the sale of crackers all over the world. Sales will skyrocket in the hood and drop off sharply in the burbs. Something must be done. We need to ban the cracker and rename our snack foods to protect us from this racial slur immediately.

Instead of asking if you’d like crackers with your soup, wait staffs across America must start asking if customers would like saltines with their soup. I don’t know what to do with Cracker Jack, perhaps Carmel Corn Jack. But that doesn’t have the right ring to it. Graham Cracker? I just don’t know. We’ll have to work hard to find a suitable inoffensive names.

We also have the dilemma of how to refer to the word “cracker” without using it. We say N-word when referring to the N-word and everybody knows what we mean. Sadly, C-word is already taken to mean another vulgarity. So what do we do? Ker-word perhaps?

All I know for certain is that I am offended by the word cracker and think everybody else should be as well. Actually I’m not. I could not care less. If a black guy came up and called me a cracker to my face, I don’t think I could muster the energy to be angry for myself let alone the entire white race.

Let’s do a little desensitizing (note: reader must mentally insert M-F-er before and after wherever the word cracker appears.)

Yo, you a cracker.

Yo, cracker! Get out my face.

Yo, you be a trippin’ cracker.

I think if you look at the geniuses who use the Ker-word and the N-word (Except when one N-word uses the N-word to describe another N-word. That’s perfectly OK and comprises 2/3rds of Chris Rock’s funny show.), anyway, the people who use language like that are about the kind of people you’d expect them to be.