How the revolution begins

You can only take so much. Thomas Jefferson wrote:

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.

This is an account of how a revolution begins here.

After watching a video of how the government stole a 100 year old oyster company in CA, a disgusted and disgruntled oyster farmer who has had enough makes an unbelievably long shot that is interrupted when the bullet pierces Interior Secretary Ken Salazar’s empty head destroying the perfect vacuum that had existed a split second before. As air rushes into the vacuum, one time tough guy Salazar utters something about punching someone. Then he succumbs to the fresh air rushing into his heretofore perfectly empty cranial cavity. He collapses. He’s dead, succumbing to fresh, albeit slightly polluted, one foreign particle per 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 units, air.

Ruling class Demo-Dopes and Republi-Rats are aghast that one of the common folk, still at large, took out one of their own. How dare them! We’re only doing what is best for them – and if we all get rich in the process, well that’s just the way it is. Something must be done!

At the funeral, attended by a couple of hundred Washington D.C. swells and 500,000 security personnel, EPA Secretary Solis promises that EPA will clean up the air so that nothing like this ever happens again. Solis explains that if we had tougher air quality regulations Ken Salazar would be alive today. The gun shot didn’t kill him. The air pollution killed him. Had it not been for the poor air quality, government doctors could have performed a corkectimy on Ken. They could have corked off the entry and exit wounds, sucked out all of the clean fresh air creating a new vacuum and Ken would be walking and talking with us today. It is the foul nature of American air that killed Ken Salazar.

Attorney General Eric the wad Holder promises to get guns and ammo out of the hands of American citizens so that nothing like this ever happens again. He will, of course, continue to supply guns and ammo to Mexican criminals. He announces that there will be a 24 hour amnesty period for people to turn in their guns, all ammo, bows, arrows, axes, knives longer than 2 ½ inches and pitchforks. In a program he calls Spy on a Neighbor In Turn for Cash Handouts, or SNITCH, the wad offers $2,000 and a free cell phone for anyone who turns in an American not in compliance.

A crane then lifts Doug Heffernin look-a-like, DHS Secretary Janet Incompetenano, to the dais. Jabba the Janet waddles to the mic and announces that she is going to arm every TSA agent in the country with an automatic weapon. She then announces that she is also arming all Citizens Corps members and swearing them in as federal law enforcement officers. Citizen Corps members will be responsible for confiscating illegal weapons reported under Attorney General wad’s SNITCH program so that nothing like this ever happens again.

Then, as dry ice creates an eerie cloud around the podium, and a disco dance ball creates bright rotating pin holes of light throughout the gathering, his royal @$$holiness himself descends from the ceiling on a wire dressed in a gold robe and a crowned with a laurel wreath, as strains of We are the Champions fill the air. Little Barry gives a 5 hour Soviet style address that is carried live on every radio and tv in America. The Internet, twitter and text messaging is shut down across America. News papers all plaster an air brushed pic of Little Barry removing face moles and reducing his Dumbo ears to a more normal size and pinning them back to a normal position with the caption, America's Dear Leader.

To ensure nothing like this ever happens again, Little Barry makes the following key points in his rambling address:
- Elections have consequences
- He won
- He now has more “flexibility”
- He dissolves the Supreme Court, five judges on the Supreme Court, including Justice Roberts who reportedly received $100,000,000 and 100,000 acres in VA for his vote, concur with the move
- He dissolves both house of congress, a majority in both houses, who received deals similar to Robert’s, concur with the move
- He declares martial law, or what he refers to as Little Barry’s Law, the sycophantic general class who are so used to saying “yes” to whatever comes out of Little Barry’s mouth didn’t even have to be bribed to concur - nearly all other military people say F*&K YOU!
- All persons on federal welfare, food stamps, disability and/or unemployment are to report to their respective offices immediately to be sworn in to form America’s new “domestic army that will be just as strong, just as well equipped, just as well funded and powerful as America’s military.”
- CEOs who did not contribute to Little Barry’s campaign will be rounded up and forced to perform 10,000 hours of “community service.”
- Americans will be expected to consume a vegan diet 28 days of the month (Government employees are exempt)
- Non hybrid cars will be restricted to 25 miles of travel a month (Government employees are exempt)
- Thermostats across America will set to 60 degrees in the winter and 85 in the summer (Government employees are exempt)
- The wad's SNITCH program will be used to encourage Americans to report other Americans not in compliance with any federal regulation
- The war mongering Star Spangled Banner will be replaced as our National Anthem by a new song being penned by Jay Zee and Bruce Springsteen under the working title, Little Barry: He is THE one.
- Father Michael Pfleger is named the Pope of the New American Catholic Church

Tomorrow: How the revolution is fought