How the revolution is fought

The military
Wannabe Gen and JCS Marty Dempsey calls a gathering of today’s other wannabe generals and admirals. He starts the meeting by asking all of the officers to renew their oath, but instead of pledging to support and defend the constitution, he suggests that they agree to support and defend America’s Dear Leader. Upon hearing this most baulk and leave the room. Those who remain begin the oath. Marine Corps Commandant Amos, never one to know exactly what his principles are, excuses himself to go out front to moisten an index finger and lift it aloft in an effort to determine which way the political wind is blowing.

After the swearing in, Marty declares himself the High and Exalted Universal Grand Marshal and Supreme Military Being of the New United States. He then declares that the center of gravity against forces opposing the Dear leader is FL pastor Rev Terry Jones and his insane support for a vile anti-Islam video that has caused every bit of the world’s problems since Little Barry claimed the video has caused every bit of the world’s problems.

Marty will immediately and personally lead a raid on Pastor Jones’ home. Marty and 100 other crack wannabe generals take off for FL. 4 hours later the incompetents mistakenly land in TX, the center of resistance to forces loyal to America’s Dear Leader. There, they are easily captured by 10 members of St. Francis’ Troop 168 of the Boy Scouts of America. The Scouts then spend several hours practicing tying knots on their captives. When a lone TX State Trooper finally arrives to take charge, Marty’s boys are in tears begging to be let go, promising they’ll “never do it again.”

DHS
With Marty the High and Exalted Universal Grand Marshal and Supreme Military Being of the New United States and his top commanders all MIA, Jabba the Janet declares herself the new High and Exalted Universal Grand Marshal and Supreme Military Being of the New United States.

She orders her Citizens Corps now called the Citizens Corpse onto action. Unfortunately for Jabba the Janet Incompetano, the Citizens Corpse is very easily duped. Freedom fighters quickly learn that they can turn each other in collecting the $2,000 and free cell phone. Then knowing where the Citizens Corpse will show up, they easily capture them. They strip them naked, tie them up, cover them in manure then dump them humiliated on the outskirts of town. Ironically it is the old Catholic Church who releases them, cleans them, clothes them, feeds them and treats any wounds they may have suffered.

Little Barry
Furious that his High and Exalted Universal Grand Marshal and Supreme Military Being of the New United States and his top yes men have been reduced to policing trash along a lonely stretch of TX highway in the summer heat, Little Barry decides to unleash the dogs of war, his newly formed Free of Liberty by Offensive Action Division from Every Region (AKA Free LOADERs). All Free LOADERs are directed to assemble in NM for an all out assault on the free state of TX. Little Barry has correctly identified TX as the real center of gravity. If he can crush freedom and liberty there, it will go a long way to wiping out forever the quaint notion that freedom is the natural yearning of man.

The mobilization doesn’t go well. The Free LOADERS all stand about waiting for other people to do things for them. They have to be bribed with free food, cell phones, TVs etc to get them to move. Tired of having the old Catholic Church saving his Citizen Corpse people everyday, Little Barry orders Jabba the Janet to have her Corpse members facilitate getting the bribes to his Free LOADER army so that the final battle can be waged.

Tomorrow, how the war is won.