Kerry pushes voter bill for dopes

Former Democrat Presidential nominee John Kerry, who you may have heard served in Vietnam but not Cambodia, insisted on Sunday that he may have lost the 2004 election because Democrat voters are still just too stupid to vote. After the 2000 election, Democrats claimed that a butterfly ballot, designed by Democrats too stupid to know that their own constituency is too stupid to follow an arrow from their candidate’s name and punch out the corresponding hole in their ballot, cost Al Gore that election.

Apparently Democrats aren’t getting any smarter. Now the dower one claims he’d be president today if his constituency wasn’t too stupid to figure out which day is election day. Kerry, moaned, "Leaflets are handed out saying Democrats vote on Wednesday, Republicans vote on Tuesday. People are told in telephone calls that if you've ever had a parking ticket, you're not allowed to vote." He went on to lament, “Let’s face it, our constituency is just too damn dumb from years in prison, constant drug use, welfare dependence and public education to figure this stuff out.”

In what can only be described as a statement of colossal ignorance, John Boy sniffed, "Last year too many people were denied their right to vote, too many who tried to vote were intimidated." Where was Mr. Four Month War Hero when union creeps were chasing little old ladies away from the polls? When did Mr. Gold Digger speak up about his looser supporters shooting up, looting, and otherwise terrorizing Republican campaign headquarters? When did Mr. Whiner condemn his Junior High School drop out supporters too stupid to get to polls on the right day and even if they accidentally did too stupid to figure out the ballot but smart enough to slash the tires on the Republican’s campaign rental vans?

Mr. Kerry ended his talk by saying, “What we really need is a Dopey Dopus voter rights bill which says, ‘We know that there are at least 5 million people out there who are stupid enough to support us but too stupid to vote. Therefore, Democrats should start every election with a 5 million vote advantage.’ It’s the only way we can ensure that the will of stupid people, who overwhelmingly support Democrats, is heard.”