OK class it’s time for your Friday quiz. So get out a piece of paper and a #2 pencil. Keep your eyes on your own paper and remember this is a public school so there are no wrong answers.
The picture above is:
a. A Christmas tree.
b. A holiday tree.
c. A good use of a renewable resource.
d. The wonton and senseless destruction of squirrel and bird habitat.
A Holiday tree is:
a. A tree dating to 1776 that one puts up on the 4th of July Holiday
b. A dead tree normally set up for the Memorial Day Holiday.
c. Any tree cut by a union member for the Labor Day Holiday.
d. A Cherry tree cut down to honor Washington on his birthday now oddly celebrated as the any President’s Day Holiday.
Christmas is:
a. A word used in conjunction with the word Merry by 98% of Americans to express good cheer to other Americans.
b. A word used by .000001% of Americans to sue 98% of Americans for wishing them good cheer.
c. A federal holiday passed by congress and signed into law by US Grant.
d. The celebration of the birth of the Christ child.
When a smug PC agnostic wishes you a “Happy Holiday” you should:
a. Laugh hysterically at a PC dope wishing you a happy-holy-day.
b. Shout back, “And Merry Christmas to you!”
c. Ask, “What holiday is it?”
d. Tell them you are Christian and offended by the use of the word “holiday”.
A Nativity scene is:
a. Expressly forbidden on public ground by the First Amendment of our constitution.
b. A divisive display designed to destroy our multi-culturism.
c. A law suit waiting to happen.
d. A depiction of the birth of the Christ child.
Santa Clause is:
a. The leader of far right Christian extremists during the month of December.
b. Some fat guy in a red suit that breaks into your house, eats your cookies, drinks your milk and leaves soot stains on the couch.
c. A shameless marketing tool used by stores to hawk toys to kids.
d. A modern depiction of Nicholas who made toys for poor children.
Joseph & Mary were:
a. Homeless and forced to live in a stable by money grubbing capitalists.
b. Required by a repressive government to leave their home and travel to Joseph’s birth place for a census so that the government could levy more onerous taxes.
c. Upon arriving in Joseph’s town of Bethlehem, they found no room at the inn and stayed in a stable were Mary gave birth to Christ.
d. A small college in the east –oops sorry that’s William & Mary.
Mary is:
a. An unwed mother knocked up on a one night stand after drinking too much wine.
b. The virgin who bore the Christ child after the Immaculate Conception.
c. The name of the girl I took to the prom.
d. One of the big theological differences between Catholics and Protestants and by extension why they find it necessary to hate and kill one another – very odd.
The star of the East was:
a. An angle sent by God to guide the three kings so that they may bow to the King of kings.
b. Halley’s Comet making its usual rounds.
c. The spaceship of the aliens who created us and the pyramids just driving by to see how things were going.
d. The space station.
Grade your own papers. Give yourself a 100%. Pass them to left and forward.
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