President Reid

In the two posts below Lex has discussed the ideas of unreasonable search and the expectation of privacy. We know how Bush works. Now let’s see what might happen with a President Harry Reid and Vice President Nance Polosi.

Our hero Jack Bauer has tracked the nefarious terrorist Abdul Kareem Hadhizassshotoff, who has destroyed three American cities in the last three weeks, to a warehouse, where Jack’s Geiger counter is going crazy. Jack calls back to CTU to get a contact team dispatched forthwith. “No can do Jacko.” The Director informs Jack. “We need the FISA court to OK a warrant. You know, Hadhizassshotoff has an expectation of privacy in his warehouse. It might be unreasonable to go barging in on him. That’ll take about two days.” Jack is incredulous. “LA could be a smoldering heap in two days!!” “Well, better that than violating a terrorist’s civil liberties. Besides we don’t want the ACLU coming down on us.” Jack responds, “Idiot! Get me a line to President Reid.”

Secretary of State Al Franken answers, “Look Jack, we just cannot interrupt President Reid right now. He’s in very delicate negotiations with Revs Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton on reparations. Now that President Reid has decided to pay, Jackson and Sharpton want $6 million for every African-American man, woman and child. Reid thinks that’s ridiculous and has countered with $5.95 mil. It’s very delicate right now.”

The vein in Jack’s neck is about to pop, “Look you loser get me the President now.” “Loser? Look, nobody but Rush Limbaugh could have made that Air America thing work. Anyone who says different is a lying liar that lies about the lies he’s been lying about.’’ Jack screams, “Get me the Vice President then!” Al informs Jack that “The Nance Monster” is in San Diego welcoming illegals into the country at one of the Border Patrol’s safe passage check points where illegals are registered as Democrats, given fake IDs and $2,000 in cash to get started.

“Get me Secretary of Defense Michael Moore then.” Jack demands. “Mike’s making a movie about how America deserves to have its cities destroyed because we have been a force for evil in the world and we elected a Bush president three times.”

Jack’s had enough. He storms the warehouse single handedly killing 30 terrorists including Hadhizassshotoff and disarms a nuclear device. President Reid orders Attorney General Ramsey Clark, fresh from winning an acquittal for Saddam Hussein, to conduct a full investigation. Clark finds Jack violated several of the terrorist’s civil liberties. In order to avoid a messy trial, President Reid orders that Jack be exiled to Iraq where Reid has just restored Hussein to power and agreed to pay Hussein $180 Billion in reparations. To put the whole mess behind him, Reid orders SecDef Moore to erect a monument to Hadhizassshotoff in Arlington cemetery where he was buried with full military honors. After breaking off negotiations with Mexico for the return of Texas, Reid meets with Hadhizassshotoff's family and agrees to pay $10 billion in reparations in an out of court settlement for wrongful death. SecDef Moore begins to produce a documentary film on Hadhizassshotoff and his band entitled “The Minutemen of Our Time”.