THE OWNERS
A new establishment opens. It is an establishment opened to give proof to liberals' ideas. The establishment is called “The Multicultural Gathering Place of World Peace, Environmental Conciseness, Collectivism, Tolerance, Open-mindedness, Compassion and love” – no damn conservatives, cops or military please or MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s for short.
MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s is the brain child of four trust baby college buddies Chase, Arcy, Montague and Giles. The four know nothing, do nothing, be nothings decided to start the business after being booted out of the most popular restaurant in town – “some dump called Dan’s” - after demanding that one of the 21 TVs in Dan’s be tuned to the PBS News Hour during the playoffs one Sunday afternoon. To get even they decided that they’d each kick in a bit of their trust fund to open a restaurant across the street and run “that fat ignorant Neanderthal” out of business. “How hard can the restaurant business be if that vile creature can make a living at it?” opined Arcy.
The four graduated high school from some expensive eastern boarding school in 1980 something. Chase played football and was better than average, but he was kicked off the team because he didn’t think he should have to practice. Chase told his friends he quit because football was “lame”. Arcy was a great singer and actor but was kicked out of the drama club because he refused to cooperate with anyone. He told his friends he quit because drama was “lame”. Montague was the best intermediate distance swimmer in the state but was kicked off the swim team when he refused to help the team by swimming a leg of the 4 X 100 medley relay. He claimed it would hurt his individual events. Montague told his friends he quit because swimming was “lame”. Giles was the captain of the golf team but was kicked off the team when the coach caught him shaving strokes at several practice events. Giles told his friends that he quit because golf was “lame”.
Failing at every social endeavor and activity at school, the four boys decided to form their own club. They called it a fashion club but the idea wasn’t to talk about the kind of suites they wore but rather the kind of legal suites they could bring against the school. The boys spent the remainder of their days disrupting school with all manner of silly legal proceedings against the school, the staff, teachers and fellow students. While everyone agreed that the boys were among the brightest in the school none finished in the upper half of their graduating class. The boys sued the school for this injustice.
The boys went on to a fine Ivy League school and continued their unproductive lives. They dressed the same; went to the same clubs; drove the same kind of cars - wrecking them, trashing them and just trading them away for the latest models. The boys have never really had a real job in their collective lives. But now, in response to a perceived slight, they are opening a restaurant to seek revenge against that Neanderthal Dan.
Before Christmas, shortly after opening, a Marine sergeant in dress blues and with a severe limp comes into MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s. The Marine, with several rows of ribbons including a purple and white one with two stars, asks the owners if he can place a Marine Corps Reserve Toys for Tots Barrel in front of the store. Arcy tells the Marine, “See here my dear man, we don’t believe in Christmas. There will be no Toys for Tots. No atrocious bell ringer or any other kitschy detritus littering our store front. Besides the government should be taking care of these poor people. But you, in that fancy get up, you are welcome to open the door for our customers, because after all, we support the troops.” While the four owners have a good laugh, the Marine resists the urge to throttle the four weaklings. He thanks them, the word “gentlemen” sticking slightly before coming out. The Marine shrugs it off, hopes for better luck at the next stop and limps out.
Across the street is an old-fashioned establishment that gives proof to common sense and capitalism. This establishment is called “Dan’s Goodtime Smokehouse” where the elite meet to eat. Everyone in town just calls it Dan’s for short.
Dan graduated from a public high school in 1960 something. He played football, basketball and ran track. He wasn’t a star in any, but showed up to practice everyday and played as hard as anyone on the team. He could read, write, multiply, divide, find the continents and the seven seas on a map and knew who his congressman and senators were. Dan, who the boys across the street might regard as some sort of savant, was an average student and graduated in the middle of his class.
After high school, Dan joined the Marine Corps because Dan’s dad was a Marine and it seemed like the thing to do. Dan soon he found himself in Vietnam. Dan fought for his and his buddies’ lives for weeks along the DMZ against North Vietnamese regulars. He found out later when he was awarded the Silver Star for carrying a wounded fellow Marine through a hail of enemy gunfire to an aid station that the fight was called Operation Buffalo.
Dan still gets a card every year from that Marine. It comes at Christmas time. The first one he got had a picture of a one armed man standing in front of a Christmas tree with his mom and dad and two brothers. Both of the brothers were wearing Marine uniforms. Then it was the man and a pretty girl standing in front of the Christmas tree. Then it was the man and the girl and a baby, then three and so on. The card Dan got in the mail today shows an older man and woman surrounded by middle aged men & women, young men & women, teenagers, adolescents and babies, maybe 25 in all gathered around the Christmas tree. Below was a short note, See what you have done! Many thanks, Merry Christmas and Semper Fi buddy, Josh and Marie.
Dan left the Marine Corps and used his GI bill to attend a state university in the Midwest. After graduation Dan married a girl he met at college and they started family. Dan worked in food service for several big time restaurants before scraping together enough money to put a down-payment on a rundown store front and open Dan’s Goodtime Smokehouse. After five years of no vacation and only three days off a year, Christmas, New Year’s and Easter, Dan and his wife took a long weekend to visit Josh and Marie. Josh had gotten some kind of cancer and Marie asked if Dan could come say hello and buck his old buddy up through the Chemotherapy. Josh’s cancer went into remission soon after Dan’s visit and to this day Marie says Dan saved Josh’s life twice.
Dan drives a new fully loaded Hummer but he still has the first car he ever owned, a 1968 Ford Fairlane 500. He bought it when got out of the Marine Corps for $400 to get to and from school. He has restored the car more times than he can remember. At least three times for his kids to use. And again after his youngest son graduated college and bought his own brand new foreign something or other. Now, the fully restored 1968 Ford sits in Dan’s garage. He only uses it on special occasions. He drives it to advertise Dan’s Goodtime Smokehouse in small town parades. He drove it to his daughter’s wedding. He takes his wife to dinner on their anniversary every year in it. And he drives it to work once a year on August 5th.
Ever since he opened his restaurant, Dan has placed a huge Marine Corps Reserve Toys for Tots barrel in the front of his restaurant at Christmas time. On many occasions the barrel had only a few toys in the bottom at closing on Sunday night, but somehow by Monday at opening when the Marines came to pick it up, the barrel was overflowing. Dan says it was Santa Clause and if he ever catches the old man breaking into his restaurant there’s going to be trouble – nobody, I don’t give a damn who, breaks into Dan’s! The young lady who cleans Dan’s office laughs as she empties Dan trash can stuffed full of empty Toys-R-Us shopping bags.
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