Columbus Day, an effective immigration message and "eth" effect

It is Columbus Day or as lefty Libs have taken to calling it “Indigenous Peoples Day”

Uh, OK, riddle me this Batman.  Lefty Libs are for open borders – right?  So why do they get so upset about Columbus Day?  Columbus came to the Americas to do the work the indigenous people wouldn’t do.  As the Americas first illegal alien, he should be some kind of hero to the lefty Libs.  And see if you can follow this.  Some historians dispute that Columbus was in fact “the first” illegal alien.  Some say the Vikings, or the Japanese arrived first.  But Columbus took the time to document his journey.  That would make Columbus the first documented “undocumented worker” to arrive.  Get it?  But all of this would be totally irrelevant if the indigenous people would have had a sane immigration policy and border security.  They didn’t and look what happened to them.  The lefty Libs are forced into the hypocritical position of supporting open borders today but being totally POed by them in 1492.  Can they have it both ways?  Hypocrisy for lefty Libs is a way of life, so yes they can.

Oh while we’re on illegal immigration - Finally!!  An effective anti-Ebola, anti-illegal immigrant message

Ebola victim Eric Duncan’s nephew Josephus Weeks said, "He's a black man. He's poor. Didn't have insurance. He came for a visit and now went to the hospital. Had that been another name or another color, he would probably be living today and he would have survived it and that is what is hurting me the most, because they treated him the way they did because of the color of his skin and that is very upsetting and disturbing. And know that you stand a chance if you are white but you don't if you are black." 

Brilliant!  Get the word out immediately!  If you come to the US illegally you will surely die of an incurable disease.  Weeks’ BS message will do more to stem the ever rising tide of illegal aliens entering the country than anything The Empty Suit has done since he first irreverently propped his feet up on the Resolute Desk in the Oval office.  We should embrace Weeks’ message and feature him in public service ads run on the African continent, in Mexico, South and Central America.

The “…eth” effect

If you’re a dumbazz but want to appear smarter than everyone else in the room, add E-T-H to the end of your first name.   Take Gwyneth Paltrow…please.  If you’re a simpleton named Gwen, change it to Gwyneth and there you have it.  Now when you are paid a seven figure salary for delivering lines written by someone else and looking good when you do it, it’ll be more believable when you tell someone it is a tougher job than staying home to raise 4 kids.  Because everyone knows playing a mom in the movies is a much tougher job than actually being one, just as being a real soldier pales in comparison to playing one in a movie.  They’d never believe such BS if it came from a Gwen but a Gwyneth…well…it makes all the difference.

Gwen using the euphemism “conscious uncoupling” to describe divorce would be mercilessly lampooned, but when Gwyneth does it, it sounds so cerebral.  Were a simple Gwen to make a comment about Brits being more intelligent and civilized than Americans she’d be stomped on worse than center stage at a Riverdance rehearsal, but when Gwyneth says it, it has an air of certainty about it.

ASIDE:  An Air Force colonel who spent time in England once told me, “You gotta love the Brits.  They’re 30 years behind us and working half days to catch up.  They send a band and a Sergeant Major to an exercise where we have three division and 4 air wings and they expect to run the show.”  

Now Gwyneth gets tongue tied over our jug eared, mole faced, Alfred E. Newman look-a-like waif of a national “leader” and explains, “You're so handsome that I can't speak properly." If a simple Gwen were to utter something so totally inane, she’d immediately be met with cat calls to – “STFU”, but Gwyneth is met with, “Well you know in a sort of Marty Feldman, Helen Thomas, Rowan Atkinson, Bella Abzug, elephant’s azz way he is kind of cute. 

But wait.  It gets better.  Gwyneth went on to opine, “It would be wonderful if we were able to give this man all of the power that he needs to pass the things that he needs to pass.”  Now had a mere Gwen proposed dumping the constitution for a sail eared nincompoop king, her friends would conduct an immediate intervention and demand Gwen get counseling.  But when someone named Gwyneth demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of the founding of America and its constitution, people think, hey she may be on to something there.  After all, who hasn’t thought at one time or another, “hell I’d settle for a good dictator?”  “Good” Dictator?  Isn’t that sort of like living with a “friendly” alligator?  Everything is fine until the alligator gets hungry.  It’s always hungry.

All of this led me to call a meeting of the editorial staff.  In order to establish immediate credibility, we will consider changing the name of this page to Lexeth E. Liberteth.  Thuffering Thuccotash, reading that reminds me of Sylvester the cat.  Lex it is.  Lex it will remain.