Sleepless in Chappaqua

Round 2 of the presidential handicap:

*Vote for the person most likely to sleep through election night. (can rest assured they have done a good job)

I think this is a close correlation to the first point. The more successful a person has been in their life, the less likely they are to sweat over things so totally out of their control. I would see this panning out pretty much the same as the first criteria.

Romney 10: Mitt goes to bed right after making his victory speech or whenever Russert’s white board says it’ll be a long night. Mitt will have planned everything out, made a good plan and stuck to it. The public will either have bought what he was selling or not. Mitt knows that the sun will come up tomorrow irrespective of the election results. Come Wednesday morning after the election, he will either be running the country or in search some business that is in need of a steady hand. I think he will look at the election as a battle of ideas and ideals not a personality or homecoming king vote.

Giuliani 9: Same is true with Rudy. The only thing that might be a bit different for Rudy is that his campaign will be much more personal than Mitts. Rudy’s three marriages are enough grist for any opposition campaign. Throw in the fact that one of his wives was a distant cousin and It’ll be dirty against Rudy. So far Rudy has been able to get past his past foibles with self effacing humor and brutal honesty. It’ll be interesting to see if people tire of never ending attacks on his personal life and if he can turn those attacks into a campaign plus.

McCain 6: McCain takes everything too personally. He will be pacing the floor, late into the night, rolling a couple of steel balls in one hand trying to prove who ate the last helping of strawberries. McCain recently came out with conservative’s least favorite governor, California’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. While on the dais with Arnold, McCain declared the discussion on global warming is over. I can’t wait for McCain to implode when someone points out the fact that the ice in Antarctica is actually growing, giving lie to at least the “global” part of global warming. How can there be “global” warming if part of the globe – Antarctica - is getting cooler? But at the end of the day, anyone who recovered from being a POW to being US senator probably isn’t going to sweat an election.

Hussein 5: I think Hussein jumps Edwards in this category because he’ll spend half his campaign wondering aloud if racist America can vote for a black man – even one as fair and thin skinned as himself. But since Hussein does not think racist America will vote for him anyway, he can’t be surprised when they don’t and he loses. But he can sleep at night knowing that his loss was due to his skin color rather than his complete inexperience and socialist’s views.

Edwards 4: I think Edwards is spoiled rich kid living in the other America – whatever that is. He is tired of ambulance chasing; can’t get a senate gig in his home state; can’t get elected vice president with John Cambodia Kerry; so he’s become a perpetual presidential candidate. It’s fun; he gets to travel on other people’s money; people fawn over him; what’s a rich kid from the other America to do with his spare time? As such, Edwards will be campaigning all night on election night. When Russert pulls out the white board when polls close in California and declares the Republican a landslide winner, Edwards will concede and at the same time immediately announce his 2012 candidacy, declaring that things have gotten so bad that there are now three or four America’s.

Shrill -1: This woman will be walking the floor all night, the next night and every night for a week. If she loses, she’ll spend the time making a very long list of everyone conceivable who lost the election for her and how to get even. Looking in the mirror, of course, will never occur to her.

So, after two rounds we have, Romney 20, Giuliani 18; McCain 16; Edwards and Hussein tied at 9 and Shrill 1.