OK men listen up. When a woman tells you, “Really, let’s not exchange ANYTHING for Valentine’s Day.” A normal man thinks, “Wow that’s really cool. She knows that Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark Holiday with no personal, religious, national or organizational significance. She's so comfortable with our relationship that she doesn’t need to phony it up with $50 worth of crap that will end up in the garbage in two days anyway. Besides that puts me $50 closer to that really cool saw at Lowe's.”
Unbeknownst, to the foolish man, she really means, “Look you cheep bastard, this is just a test. You’d better make an extraordinary effort for Valentine’s Day.” Yeah, I fell for it. I can see the Griffin now shaking his head in disbelief, “You dope! How could you fall for the oldest trick in the woman’s playbook?”
I should have known I was toast when I got up in the morning to cards, candy and heart shaped donuts on the counter for Lex jr. and me. It didn’t faze me. How nice I thought. By noon I was informed that “let's not exchange ANYTHING” didn’t include a card, even though cards were specifically mentioned as a waste of money. So at 9 pm after Scouts, there Lex jr and I were at the 24 hour Kroger making our Valentine’s Day purchases. That’s when Jr. informed me he made a card for his mom in French class. The only thing better than a dozen red roses and a Hallmark card that requires extra postage for your wife on Valentine's Day is a homemade card in French from jr. Trust me I know.
Never again.
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