Last night the family was getting a bit hungry. So I went off to the Kroger and stole $90 worth of food. When the manager stopped me in the parking lot, I laid a little Jeb Bush on him. "Look", I said, "this is a crime born out of love for my family. My family is hungry and you have an entire building filled with food - besides the dollar amount I stole does not even equal a felony - so."
The manager was dumbfounded with that logic and called me an "effing moron.". He called the police. The police showed up and were all bent out of shape by what they called "theft." "Theft, shmeft," I said. "It's a crime of love," I told them. "Jeb Bush says you have to let me go now." One cop called me an "effing moron" and said he was going to run me downtown and book me.
I protested, "this is a crime of love and not even a felony by the way." The store manager and the cop were incredulous. They wondered aloud in unison again if I was an "effing moron." I got hauled downtown, booked and was thrown into a cell with a bunch of crooks. "Whatta ya in for?" asked one of the toughs. "A crime of love," I told him. "Ahh, shot some bum sleeping with your wife eh." "NO! Hell no. I took some frozen pizzas from the Kroger." "That ain't no crime of love. That's stealin' plain and simple. What is you some kind of effing moron."
So I get hauled in front of the magistrate. I tell my "love story." He calls me an "effing moron" sets bail at $1,000 and tells me, "With bassakward logic like that you need to get into politics."
1 comment:
From the Griffin...
Putin will need to take the rest of the Ukraine as an act of love. Families should not be separated. And then Poland because a few Poles will be separated from family in Ukraine. And then the Baltics. Maybe the U.S. should just take Mexico. Make it the 51st state. An act of love and reunification. Then let's look at Costa Rica.
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