Climate Chnage: Science by Homer Simpson

There was an article in the Sunday edition of the Ft. Wayne Urinal Gazette the jist of which was that the average rube (that would be you and me of course) is too worried about his job, the economy, two undeclared wars, his family, big sis’s birthday and the upcoming OSU Meatchicken game to understand or even care about the over whelming scientific evidence of global warming, uh sorry, ah climate change. So what to do? The writer, some Gal named Meg Bostrom, urges a new strategy that emphasizes “some climate changes that deniers can support” rather than the science that we’re all too stupid to get.


Well let’s spend just a minute on the “science” Meg. If the “science” is so sound, why is the global warming crowd always trying to fudge it? Meg there was this rather large scandal at East Anglican University where leaked e-mails prove that the “science” isn’t really all that scientific.

I do not think that our problem with global warming is that we’re too preoccupied with our daily lives to understand the science. I think our problem with global warming is two fold. First, we’re fine with science. It’s the “scientist” we have trouble with. After Global Warming-gate, why should we ever trust anything that those bozos come up with again? They have not been honest from the start. Climate survey stations placed on blacktop next to the air conditioner discharge units is just the tip of the mythical melting iceberg. NASSA can land a man on the moon but cannot do an 8th grade math problem that requires averaging 12 numbers. NASSA breathlessly reported “Hottest year on record!!!” It was only after a real scientist noted that NASSA had “mistakenly” used October’s temps twice, omitting the November figure, that NASSA famously sent its lead scientist, Homer Simpson, to issue a one word explaination of its science, “D' ho.”

Second, could the global warming crowd have a bigger bunch of preening know nothing hypocrites to champion its cause? No. If it had tried to do a spoof on itself, it could not have come up with a more clownish and hypocritical group of people to champion its cause.

AlGore is the walking talking definition of buffoon. He wins a peace prize for what? While spreading the news about global warming, he creates a carbon footprint for HIMSELF that is larger than some whole nations. Then the jack wagon tells us not worry about HIS carbon footprint because he has purchased “carbon off-sets.” So can I diet by having some guy in Ethiopia run a few miles for me as an “off-set?” But, if that just isn’t stupid enough, he didn’t buy the offsets by sending money to some scout troop somewhere to plant 100 trees, he bought the off-sets from…drum roll…HIMSELF. So how does that diet thing work for me now? Like it always does. As I finish my third Snickers Bar of the day, I tell Mrs. Lex, “Don’t worry honey. I have off-set this Snickers Bar with a diet and a three mile run in June of 2015.”

Then there’s Tomas my head is flat Friedman. What a joke. Tom lives in a mansion on a huge estate with a fleet of cars, not all of them Priuses. He flies 1st class back and forth to China so he can get a better feel for what a great place it is. Then he has the nerve to scold the rest of us for not doing our share to slow global warming. FU Tom. Move your fat @$$ into a two bedroom walk up on the fourth floor, ride the bus to work and establish some credibility for yourself before you lecture me. Oh and the China you admire and love so much is building another coal fired power plant every week. So @$$wipe, maybe the world is going to hell in a hand basket. But you, AlGore and the Chinese have more to do with it than everyone else in world from Maine to Hawaii, Texas to Alaska.

Gotta go, but tomorrow I’ll share some of Meg’s climate changes we deniers can support.