Tuesday, September 28, 2004

MORON VOTE SECURE, DEMS SEEK FELONS

Having cast one of the 2,909,176 votes for President Bush in Florida, during the 2000 election (actually I prefer to think of my vote as one of the 537 votes that gave Bush the White House), I can attest to the ease of voting with a punch card ballot. Sure, I had to spend a minute and read the directions. I had to spend another 30 seconds to make sure I understood which number corresponded to which punch hole. Last, I had to spend three minutes actually reading the ballot and punching out my ballot. The whole process took less than five minutes but, I’m absolutely certain that I cast a single vote for Bush for president.

Well, because a number of liberals have complained that they are incapable of reading and following directions, Florida has changed its ballot. This year, instead of a punch card ballot, voters receive a newly designed ballot that requires that they draw a line which completes an arrow that points to their selection. If possible, they’ve made it even easier to vote. So, having ensured that their rather large percentage of the moron constituency will be able to figure out the ballot, liberals have turned their attention to their other large voting block, felons.

In his latest “Amerika sucks” piece, former President Jimmy Carter laments the fact that felons (uh…er…alleged felons) are being given a hard time voting in Florida. My first instinct was to say GOOD. What does it say about Carter and liberals that, having secured the moron vote, they are now chasing after the felon vote? Is Kerry or the DNC going to go up with an ad like this:

MUSIC: Somber death march
SCENE: Dingy Florida maximum security prison. Two prisoners are holding mirrors out of their cells talking.

PRISONER ONE: Did you hear what that Jeb Bush is doing?
PRISONER TWO: No. What?
PRISONER ONE: He ain’t gonna let us vote this year.
PRISONER TWO: You sh*** in me!
PRISONER ONE: Naw man. No sh**! By the way, what you in for?
PRISONER TWO: Murdered my granny for 12 bucks.

FADE TO BLACK WITH BOLD WHITE TYPE:
Jeb Bush is keeping murders from voting. What’s next?

VOICE: I’m John Kerry and I approved this ad because I think most Florida felons will vote for me.
Go ahead, run the ad.

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