Sunday, December 31, 2006

All dictators are Left Wing

I find it somewhat interesting that while Libs condemn a military operation that has freed 25 million souls from the grip of a maniacal tyrant in Iraq, they also condemn laws which prohibit racial discrimination here at home. In November, the voters of Michigan amended the state constitution to prohibit discrimination or preferential treatment on the basis of race or gender. Libs went nuts claiming racism, homophobia, sexism etc. etc. etc. Ahhhhg, the inhumanity - treating people equally! This is outrageous!!!!

Then there’s the Lib love affair with “hate crimes”. If a white guy kills a black guy it’s a hate crime, according to Libs. If a black guy kills a white guy, which is the overwhelming statistical probability, the white guy probably deserved it and besides how can we expect blacks to act civilized given what whites have done to them, according to Libs.

Then there’s the whole homophobe thing. If someone I care about is killed by some ne’er do-well, I could care less about the state of mind of the killer. I just what that person’s liberties restricted in the most severe manner available. Since Libs won’t allow us to treat criminals like criminals, I am a reluctant death penalty supporter until we do. What really bothers me is that the same guy that might get probation in the liberal justice system today for killing a straight white friend of mine might get the chair for killing a black or gay friend.

So what’s the point? Well the point is that Saddam sent his supports to schools and appointed them to government work and showered all manner of special treatment upon them - sort of Ba'athist affirmative action, after all they were the minority in Iraq. Saddam also treated killers differently. Saddam’s sons killed people who spoke out against the regime and were rewarded. Other murderers were themselves put to death. So it seems to me that Liberals are like dictators. They do not seek equal opportunity. They seek an advantage for their supporters. Hence affirmative action and hate crimes legislation.

Which, mercifully, brings me to the point, if liberals are all for the government running everything from health care to TV, why do they insist on calling dictators, who run everything from health care to TV, “right wing”? It seems to me that dictators’ abuse of government power is more in line with Liberals’ way of thinking than the right way of thinking.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Woodward interviews the dead...again

As a reporter, how many times can you go to the, “Just before he died he told me that…” bit? Dead men are fast becoming Bob Woodward’s best sources for information. So much so that Wes Pruden, the no-nonsense newspaper man that runs the Washington Times’ editorial page, has taken to calling Woodward “Mortuary Bob” for his uncanny ability to get the scoop on the days headlines from dead men.

Bob’s first big break interviewing the dead was with President Reagan’s former CIA director, William Casey. Casey was in intensive care, in a comma, with the family outside on a death watch. Somehow Bob snuck into the room, coaxed Casey from his comma and got Casey to give him the scoop on Iran Contra. While everyone who knew Casey claimed Woodward’s story was crap, the MSM ran with the story. Now the MSM is at it again with Woodward’s story on President Ford and how, in death, he opposed the Iraq war. Woodward has again stuffed words into a dead man’s mouth and we’re all supposed to take it as gospel. All this proves to me is that while Libs laugh at the idea that Jesus could raise the dead, they worship the fact that Bob Woodward can talk to them.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A Tale of Two Establishments: A Christmas Story The End

Mercifully this is the last instalment of our Christmas story. Merry Christmas to all. Family is arriving soon and I still have to get the Mrs. that chainsaw I know she wants, so, unless there's big news, I'll see you all on 2 January, 2007.

The staffs

MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s hired people at random – the only fair way to do anything according to Chase. They were swamped with applications when the MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s owners promised a “living wage” for its employees. After long meetings with union reps, illegal aliens, Ted Kennedy representing the Progressive – ahh Democrat party, they agreed that $35 an hour to start was in fact a “living wage”. Someone suggested $35.50 and everyone thought the guy was nuts.

As a result of their random hiring practices, MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s has three waitresses. Two are blind and the third is an octogenarian who uses a walker and is in the third stage of Alzheimer’s. A dwarf has been hired as the chef. A recovering alcoholic tends bar. A stuttering harelip is the greeter and a kleptomaniac works the cash register. Everyone works “flex hours”. Nobody knows when anyone else is working. Some days nobody works and MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s is just closed.

Dan does all of the hiring and firing and sets the work schedule. He hires attractive young women to wait tables and occasionally work the bar. He hires young men to cook, tend bar and do everything else. The only thing that gets someone fired faster than trying to steal from Dan is trying to steal from a customer.

Dan closes only four times a year, Christmas, New Year’s, Easter and Aug 5th. On Aug 5th Dan’s is open only to Dan’s staff, former staff, close friends and Dan’s best customers for an all-day catered party and games. For years people have speculated about the significance of August 5th for Dan. One by one the theories had been disproved. Every imaginable anniversary, kids’, grand kids’, wife’s and Dan’s birthday had been checked – none matched.

The latest theory they have settled on is that August 5th has something to do with the neatly framed picture behind Dan’s office desk. It’s a photo of a one armed man, an older couple and two Marines. Next to the photo, in the same frame, is Dan’s Silver Star. Centered inside the frame, neatly written, are the words “Each life touches so many others. Josh”. The staff has agreed that August 5th is in someway linked to that picture. That theory is wrong. Dan and his wife are about the only people still alive who know that Aug 5th was Dan’s mom’s birthday and that the party has always been in her honor.

The buy out

MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s went broke after two weeks. George Soros stepped in and coughed up a billion dollars to take MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s concept nation-wide as a testament to Liberal business practices. Chase, Arcy, Montague and Giles tripled their investment and were hired on for six figures each as consultants. At the MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s across from Dan’s, Soros hired Al Franken as the Maitre de for $1.3 million dollars. Franken regularly calls the cops on Dan’s for being too loud, having too many lights on, the parking lot not being up to code, long lines blocking the sidewalk, smoke, noise in the parking lot after closing etc. etc.

Dan just pays the fine and fixes the problem.

The Christmas lights

MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s has a single sign in grey paint on plain white paper in the window, “Have a happy non-specific winter holiday celebration”.

Dan’s has 20,000 lights out in front, a Godzilla sized blow up Santa, a plastic life-size Nativity scene with 50 characters and an 8 foot Menorah set up in the parking lot - classic Christmas music plays all day from speakers on the roof. It’s all topped by a billboard size neon sign on the roof that flashes a red “Merry” then a green “Christmas.” Franken complained about the display and the city ordered Dan to remove it or be fined a $100 a day. Dan went to the city clerk’s office, asked what the lump sum fine would be to leave the display up until New Year’s and wrote the city a check for the full amount. Since the controversy hit the newspapers, 100s have come by to see the display and support Dan. While they are there they go into Dan’s and have a drink and a bite to eat. Dan’s is now looking at a record breaking December.


Christmas Eve

Today, Christmas Eve, the cops show up at Dan’s sirens blaring and lights flashing. This brings a smile to Franken’s face. The cops rush inside and head straight for Dan’s office. “What is it this time officers”, Dan asks. “Mr. Franken alleges that your front sign protrudes 3/8ths of an inch too far from the building.” Dan promises to fix the sign and then as always, invites the officers to have seat, order a coke and anything they’d like off the menu on him. He directs the staff to get the officers served first. Dan joins them and they become friends.

The veteran officer asks Dan if it was true that, back in the day, Dan once shot an armed robber in the chest. Dan answers in the affirmative. He tells the officers that it wasn’t long after they had opened and he and his wife Annie were closing up. He shakes his head and says, “You know, it bothers me that a man had to die for the 58 dollars and 60 cents that we had in the register that day. If it had been just me, I’d have given him the cash and hoped for the best. But he had that damn gun and I just couldn’t take the chance that he might just shoot my Annie anyway.” “What did you shoot him with”, asks the rookie officer. Dan reaches under the table, from somewhere he produces a Smith& Wesson .357 revolver. Dan nods, returns the gun to its hiding place, gets up and heads back to his office still a bit troubled by events that happened decades ago.

Meanwhile, out front the flashing lights have drawn quite a crowd. Many wander into Dan’s to see what the commotion is all about. While they are there, they order a drink and something to eat. What an hour earlier looked like a slow afternoon turns into a record breaker.

Dan’s will be closing early on Christmas Eve. Dan Jr. is coming home from the Marines with his wife and kids today. Ever since learning of their arrival, Dan has made it clear that the place would be cleaned up and the door locked not one second past six p.m. The young bar manager tells Dan that he’d be happy to lock up. Dan thanks the man but declines the offer saying, “There’s a reason they still call it Dan’s”.

At closing, Dan sees everyone out wishing them a Merry Christmas and stuffing generous bonuses into their pockets before going through his closing ritual. Now, he’s headed home to be with his wife and kids and most important at Christmas time, the grand kids. As he walks out, he straightens Miss Millie’s picture on the tree, turns out the lights and locks the front door at 6 pm sharp. He walks to the parking lot with a few packages in hand, last minute things for the grand kids and the coat Annie had mentioned one time two months ago that she liked and then quickly added, “But it’s way too expensive.”

Before getting into his Hummer to go home, Dan remembers the lump of envelopes in the glove box. He reaches in and grabs the stack. He walks across the street to a closed and dark MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s. One by one, he slides 22 envelopes through the mail slot in MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s door. Each envelope has the name of one of MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s 22 employees hand printed on it. Inside the envelope is a $50 gift book for Dan’s Goodtime Smokehouse with a simple handwritten note “Merry Christmas, your friend Dan”.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

A Tale of Two Establishments, a Christmas Story Part II

Continued from below...

The Menus

MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s menu is printed on a single sheet of onionskin thin recycled paper. The menu claims to offer only organic food but the chef regularly buys from the cheapest supplier without regard to how the product was produced. The four trust babies make sure everything is marked up as if it were organic though. The few customers that visit MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s always rave how much better the organic stuff tastes. The chef, sneaking a smoke in the back, laughs his butt off.

There is no meat or any animal products on the MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s menu. Most of the menu consists of artificially flavored tofu. Their biggest seller is the vegemite meatless meatloaf. Drinks are mostly fruit flavored “spring water” that actually comes from the tap in kitchen and is flavored with a dab of Kool-aid. The few customers, rave how you can "really taste the differrence in spring water". You can get a white wine spritzer made with a vintage wine. There are several vintage bottles of wine on display behind the bar, but the sritzers are made with the box wine under the bar.

Dan’s menu hits the table like a big city phone book. There is every manner of fried, baked, blackened, BBQ or the house specialty smoked - beef, chicken, pork, lamb, frog, fish, oyster, shrimp and vegetable imaginable. The house specialty is the full rack of smoked dry ribs. On Fridays, it’s the smoked “catch of the day”. No matter how much is prepared they always run out. Dan still personally oversees the smoking process at the three industrial sized smokers off the back of the restaurant. One of the 20 something year old cooks once told Dan that they could do it and there was no need for Dan to be in at the crack of dawn every other day to supervise the process. Dan's only response was, "There is a reason my name is on the sign young man."

There are a 100 different kinds of liquor behind the bar and 27 different beers. Kids who hang around the bar long enough know that if the bar tender is not too busy he will slide them a 7up with a little Grenadine and a maraschino cherry. Most of the parents grew up calling the concoction a Roy Rogers or a Shirley Temple. Dan insists that the staff call it a "Stryker" after the John Wayne character in the Sands of Iwo Jima.

When MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s had their grand opening Dan sent over 8 platters of his best stuff for the MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s staff and a note “Welcome to the neighborhood”. MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s sent the platters back with a rude note about dead animal flesh or something.

The Parking Lots

MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s has no parking lot. There is a bike rack in front. The absentee owners do not want to encourage the use of fossil fuels and the internal combustion engines - although they each drive the latest gas guzzlers themselves.

Dan has purchased and knocked down the three blighted buildings adjoining his property. He has made a huge parking lot to accommodate the oversized SUVs most of his customers drive.

MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s offers free valet parking for customers driving hybrid autos. They park them across the street in Dan’s lot.

Dan says park your own damn car. He knows what MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s is up to. So Dan puts up a sign in his parking lot, “Warning, park your hybrid here at your own risk. If it gets crushed under Dan’s Hummer – so sad too bad – get a real car.”

The Decors

MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s has a sign as you enter that says “No fur. No leather. No cigarettes. No kids. No pets. No loud talk. No free water. No free restrooms. No designer shirt, no designer slacks, no designer shoes and belt – no service. Napkins extra.”

Dan’s has a sign outside the door “Some people here smoke. If you don’t like it, don’t come in.” Inside the door there is another sign right under the “Wear whatever you want, but you must wear something” sign - that reads, “Most of Dan’s staff and many patrons have a right to carry a concealed weapon’s permit. Behave accordingly.”

The inside of MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s is completely a monochrome light grey. It used to be a light grey with a slightly lighter shade of grey adding contrast. Someone complained that there was a slightly greater percentage of the lighter shade of grey leaving the impression that MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s was prejudice against the slightly darker shade of light grey. So they painted it all the slightly darker shade of light grey. The grey is accented by the chrome tables, and chairs, Formica bar and the glass and mirrors that round out the d├ęcor. Inside there is no discernable indication that the Christmas holiday is up on us.

Nobody really remembers what color Dan’s was originally. Where you can see the walls at all, it’s mostly dark greens and yellows, from age or smoke or both. Most of the walls are now covered with things Dan has collected over the years or people have given to him or left behind. There is of course the obligatory first dollar ever earned framed behind the bar (MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s has yet conduct its first cash transaction) and the yellowed framed favorable restaurant review that appeared in the local paper what seems like a 100 years ago with a picture of Dan behind the bar when he was thin, didn’t wear glasses and had hair. Some places where pictures or other wall hangings have been moved or knocked out of square, show a lighter greenish and yellow color under.

Tables and chairs at Dan’s are old oak, made to last and they have. The bar is to die for. 30 feet long, brass foot rail, solid oak top and elbow rail over an elaborately carved oak bottom. An etched and beveled mirror runs behind and is the length of the bar and to the ceiling. The words Dan’s Goodtime Smokehouse are elaborately etched in an ark in the middle.

Dan puts up four huge live Christmas trees every year and has them decorated stem to stern. Customers add things of their own. Business cards are a favorite. Others have their kids color the Santa, star and Christmas tree on the seasonal place mat. The waitresses cut them out, sign the kid’s name to them and hang them on one of the trees. Some families string popcorn or cranberries provided at the bar while waiting for their dinner.

One of the long time regulars brought in an old picture of his wife Millie. The photo was framed in pink paper lace. Millie and the old man had spent 100s of hours over the years talking with Dan and watching people come and go from the corner booth. It's the old man's dollar that is framed behind the bar. Millie passed some time in the spring and the old man had not gotten over the loss. Dan cleared a prominent spot in the middle of the first tree and a beautiful young Millie is there for all to see and remember.

Each night before closing now, Dan goes by the tree and makes sure Miss Millie’s space has not been encroached upon. He takes the most unusual thing added to the trees that day home to show his wife. Tonight Dan notices a digital picture of MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s Grand Opening that appeared in the city paper. Some wise guy had photo shopped the picture. The "Grand Opening" sign was changed to Merry Christmas, an aluminum Christmas tree was added, the tables were colored red and the carpet green. The wait staff all had Santa hats on and the four absentee owners were photo shopped in as elves. In an ironic touch, the jokster signed the picture with a green Sharpie, Merry Christmas & best wishes to Dan from all of your friends at MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s.

Monday, December 18, 2006

A Tale of Two Establishments, A Christmas Story Part I

THE OWNERS

A new establishment opens. It is an establishment opened to give proof to liberals' ideas. The establishment is called “The Multicultural Gathering Place of World Peace, Environmental Conciseness, Collectivism, Tolerance, Open-mindedness, Compassion and love” – no damn conservatives, cops or military please or MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s for short.

MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s is the brain child of four trust baby college buddies Chase, Arcy, Montague and Giles. The four know nothing, do nothing, be nothings decided to start the business after being booted out of the most popular restaurant in town – “some dump called Dan’s” - after demanding that one of the 21 TVs in Dan’s be tuned to the PBS News Hour during the playoffs one Sunday afternoon. To get even they decided that they’d each kick in a bit of their trust fund to open a restaurant across the street and run “that fat ignorant Neanderthal” out of business. “How hard can the restaurant business be if that vile creature can make a living at it?” opined Arcy.

The four graduated high school from some expensive eastern boarding school in 1980 something. Chase played football and was better than average, but he was kicked off the team because he didn’t think he should have to practice. Chase told his friends he quit because football was “lame”. Arcy was a great singer and actor but was kicked out of the drama club because he refused to cooperate with anyone. He told his friends he quit because drama was “lame”. Montague was the best intermediate distance swimmer in the state but was kicked off the swim team when he refused to help the team by swimming a leg of the 4 X 100 medley relay. He claimed it would hurt his individual events. Montague told his friends he quit because swimming was “lame”. Giles was the captain of the golf team but was kicked off the team when the coach caught him shaving strokes at several practice events. Giles told his friends that he quit because golf was “lame”.

Failing at every social endeavor and activity at school, the four boys decided to form their own club. They called it a fashion club but the idea wasn’t to talk about the kind of suites they wore but rather the kind of legal suites they could bring against the school. The boys spent the remainder of their days disrupting school with all manner of silly legal proceedings against the school, the staff, teachers and fellow students. While everyone agreed that the boys were among the brightest in the school none finished in the upper half of their graduating class. The boys sued the school for this injustice.

The boys went on to a fine Ivy League school and continued their unproductive lives. They dressed the same; went to the same clubs; drove the same kind of cars - wrecking them, trashing them and just trading them away for the latest models. The boys have never really had a real job in their collective lives. But now, in response to a perceived slight, they are opening a restaurant to seek revenge against that Neanderthal Dan.

Before Christmas, shortly after opening, a Marine sergeant in dress blues and with a severe limp comes into MGPWPECCTOMC&L’s. The Marine, with several rows of ribbons including a purple and white one with two stars, asks the owners if he can place a Marine Corps Reserve Toys for Tots Barrel in front of the store. Arcy tells the Marine, “See here my dear man, we don’t believe in Christmas. There will be no Toys for Tots. No atrocious bell ringer or any other kitschy detritus littering our store front. Besides the government should be taking care of these poor people. But you, in that fancy get up, you are welcome to open the door for our customers, because after all, we support the troops.” While the four owners have a good laugh, the Marine resists the urge to throttle the four weaklings. He thanks them, the word “gentlemen” sticking slightly before coming out. The Marine shrugs it off, hopes for better luck at the next stop and limps out.

Across the street is an old-fashioned establishment that gives proof to common sense and capitalism. This establishment is called “Dan’s Goodtime Smokehouse” where the elite meet to eat. Everyone in town just calls it Dan’s for short.

Dan graduated from a public high school in 1960 something. He played football, basketball and ran track. He wasn’t a star in any, but showed up to practice everyday and played as hard as anyone on the team. He could read, write, multiply, divide, find the continents and the seven seas on a map and knew who his congressman and senators were. Dan, who the boys across the street might regard as some sort of savant, was an average student and graduated in the middle of his class.

After high school, Dan joined the Marine Corps because Dan’s dad was a Marine and it seemed like the thing to do. Dan soon he found himself in Vietnam. Dan fought for his and his buddies’ lives for weeks along the DMZ against North Vietnamese regulars. He found out later when he was awarded the Silver Star for carrying a wounded fellow Marine through a hail of enemy gunfire to an aid station that the fight was called Operation Buffalo.

Dan still gets a card every year from that Marine. It comes at Christmas time. The first one he got had a picture of a one armed man standing in front of a Christmas tree with his mom and dad and two brothers. Both of the brothers were wearing Marine uniforms. Then it was the man and a pretty girl standing in front of the Christmas tree. Then it was the man and the girl and a baby, then three and so on. The card Dan got in the mail today shows an older man and woman surrounded by middle aged men & women, young men & women, teenagers, adolescents and babies, maybe 25 in all gathered around the Christmas tree. Below was a short note, See what you have done! Many thanks, Merry Christmas and Semper Fi buddy, Josh and Marie.

Dan left the Marine Corps and used his GI bill to attend a state university in the Midwest. After graduation Dan married a girl he met at college and they started family. Dan worked in food service for several big time restaurants before scraping together enough money to put a down-payment on a rundown store front and open Dan’s Goodtime Smokehouse. After five years of no vacation and only three days off a year, Christmas, New Year’s and Easter, Dan and his wife took a long weekend to visit Josh and Marie. Josh had gotten some kind of cancer and Marie asked if Dan could come say hello and buck his old buddy up through the Chemotherapy. Josh’s cancer went into remission soon after Dan’s visit and to this day Marie says Dan saved Josh’s life twice.

Dan drives a new fully loaded Hummer but he still has the first car he ever owned, a 1968 Ford Fairlane 500. He bought it when got out of the Marine Corps for $400 to get to and from school. He has restored the car more times than he can remember. At least three times for his kids to use. And again after his youngest son graduated college and bought his own brand new foreign something or other. Now, the fully restored 1968 Ford sits in Dan’s garage. He only uses it on special occasions. He drives it to advertise Dan’s Goodtime Smokehouse in small town parades. He drove it to his daughter’s wedding. He takes his wife to dinner on their anniversary every year in it. And he drives it to work once a year on August 5th.

Ever since he opened his restaurant, Dan has placed a huge Marine Corps Reserve Toys for Tots barrel in the front of his restaurant at Christmas time. On many occasions the barrel had only a few toys in the bottom at closing on Sunday night, but somehow by Monday at opening when the Marines came to pick it up, the barrel was overflowing. Dan says it was Santa Clause and if he ever catches the old man breaking into his restaurant there’s going to be trouble – nobody, I don’t give a damn who, breaks into Dan’s! The young lady who cleans Dan’s office laughs as she empties Dan trash can stuffed full of empty Toys-R-Us shopping bags.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette

Lex responds to this bit of idiocy in this morning’s Journal Gazette aka The Daily Punctilio:

The only thing better than the New Haven City Council’s recent decision to uphold property and personal rights was the J-G’s hyperbolic reaction to that decision. Imagine, elected official taking a decision that protects the rights of their constituents. This is outrageous!

If the J-G actually believes the phony baloney sats on secondhand smoke, you know - anyone who passes within 200 feet of a smoker at any point in their life is 8,000 times more likely to die before age 103 than those who do not, why not make the product itself illegal? How idiotic is it to use junk science to establish the deadliness of secondhand smoke, when everyone already knows that sucking the residue of a smoldering weed into your lungs is bad for you? It’s the firsthand smoke that is killing people. How immoral is it for local, state and federal governments to profit – in the form of cigarette tax revenues - from the deaths of thousands of citizens each year? If the J-G wants to take a moral and consistent stand, it would be railing against cigarettes not secondhand smoke. But they don’t because they are liberals and we know liberals by their hypocrisy.

If I see Johnny Rebel riding his Harley down the street, cigarette in one hand, cell phone in the other, a can of coke between his legs and wearing nothing but shorts, t-shirt, flip-flops and a light coat of skin oil, I’m more likely to think, “what an idiot” than, “there ought to be a law against that”. Libs will say, “ahh, but we all pay when Johnny falls over.” Well let’s stop taking my son’s college tuition to pay for Johnny’s bad decisions. Americans should be free to pursue their dreams and desires to the maximum extent without interference from their government. By the same token, when they make poor decisions, like entering a smoking establishment, Americans should not expect the government to bail them out. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em or make ‘em illegal.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

The road to victory in Iraq runs through Dafur

The Sudan has been in a perpetual state of Civil War since about 1955. Hmm, that’s almost 50 years – and they say public school students can’t do geometry. The first two Civil Wars pitted the Muslim north against the Christian south. Somewhere between 2.5 and 1.9 million people were killed, mainly in the south, before a peace agreement was signed in January 2005. Wow, that really held up.

George Clooney was reading someone else’s words in some daytime drama before reading someone else’s words in ER, but never uttered any words on the genocide in the Sudan while Muslims were slaughtering Christians. But hey, those were Christians. Probably got what they deserved – right?

Well now, and this is really good news, the Muslims have taken to killing each other. Good only in the sense that when the Libs finally get the world that they want – a world wide Muslim Caliphate – we can count on the radicals Muslims to start killing each other. So there is a glimmer of hope. In Sudan’s latest Civil War, government backed Arab Muslims have taken to killing black African Muslims. And this is what has George Clooney in high dudgeon. Damn them! Just kill the Christians!

Deaths in this conflict are a fraction of the previous two Civil Wars, anywhere between 50, 000 and 400,000. But hey, give them some time, they’ll catch up. Now, having played a soldier once in the movies, George can’t understand why the US doesn’t just drop a couple of platoons in there and wrap this up in 150 minutes or so and end the genocide that he’s ignored for the last 48 years.

Yesterday Lex noted that Darfur would be a good fight for the US. No, not because there are any enduring US interests in Darfur. There aren’t any not like there are in Iraq. There are a couple of good reasons though.

Fighting in Darfur provides an opportunity to kill more gun toting radical Muslims.

Fighting in Darfur allows the left and the right in this country to unite in a common goal - to kill people who will eventually try to kill us.

After we get bogged down in a Vietnam-like quagmire in the Sudan, oops that line of thought is reserved for Libs and only for wars fought for some legitimate US interest. Well anyway, after some period of time, a smart general could advocate a widening of the war to Syria and Iran to get at the root causes of violence in Darfur. Having “lied us into the wrong war, at the wrong time, with the wrong enemy” – a little leftie talk there – the Libs would have to go along and we could finally get at the people we really need to be getting at.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

In 1937 a Civil War raged in Spain between anti-fascists, socialists, communists, Spanish Republican forces and General Franco’s Nationalists forces that favored the Catholic Church, monarchist, land owners and centralized government control. In an effort to keep Franco from power, many Americans joined Washington, Lincoln and John Brown brigades and fought with Republican forces.

Also in 1937, an Army Air Corps Captain named Clair Chennault resigned his commission and traveled to China to survey that nation’s air force. Chennault stayed in China and in 1941 the American Volunteer Group was formed. The AVG or Flying Tigers were responsible for destroying over 300 Japanese aircraft at a loss of 12 of their own.

Gee, nice history lesson Lex. What’s the point? Well the point is that our history is full of men of action. When they saw an injustice they did something about it. They didn’t wring their hands and hope someone else would step up. Today George Clooney is in high dudgeon about Darfur. He’s so upset he’s willing to do what actors do - read someone else’s words, show up at a charity event for 20-30,000 dollars, go on Letterman and tell us how much better he is than the rest of us because he cares.

Were Clair Chennault around today, he would slap the crap out of this phony-baloney Taylor Hicks look-alike with none of the talent. Hey George, if you want to do something about Dafur, organize, train and equip your own brigade and go fight the Arab Muslim terrorists scum-bags reeking havoc on the people there. Come on you played an Army Sergeant in the movies and that turned out OK. How tough can it be? Or should we wait for Lib icon Kofi Annan to step in?

Actually, Darfur would be a good fight. More on that tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Kofi's next job should be to dog Putin

Kofi Annan is probably a nice guy. Not like sit down and have beer nice, he probably fancies himself way too good for that. But nice like finding ways to make terrorists dictator thugs feel good about themselves while admonishing America for trying to restrain the thugs. He’s probably a smart guy. Not smart like - it’s raining let’s duck into that coffee shop. Smart like getting soaked in a downpour while compiling a list of 25 reasons why US contributions to global warming cause more rain. He’s probably a good leader. Not a leader as in – the UN is a dysfunctional, corrupt, criminal organization populated mainly by dysfunctional, corrupt and criminal states. It must be reformed. But a leader as in - most of the UN states are dysfunctional, corrupt and criminal. Majority rules. I will lead the UN wherever it’s dysfunctional, corrupt and criminal majority wants to go.

Slamming Annan’s lack of leadership in the UN over the last ten years is sort of like slamming Mike Tyson for not being as level-headed as might have been. It’s so easy it appears to be gratuitous. But let’s recap Kofi’s failures

While assistant secretary general Annan:
- failed to protect Muslims in the Bosnian town of Srebrenica after disarming them and promising to do so.
- watched the slaughter of 800,000 Tutsis and moderate Hutus in Rwanda in just 100 days

As Secretary general Annan preside over:
- No meaningful reform in the UN in ten years
- Presided over 20 billion dollars in Oil for Food money being siphoned off, some by his son KoJo
- Presides over the genocide in Darfur
- No action on the rapes by U.N. peacekeepers in the Congo
- No progress checking North Korean Nukes
- No progress checking Iranian nukes
- Lebanon
- Palestine
- Etc. etc. etc.

Yet Kofi takes the opportunity on the occasion of his speech in MO yesterday to blast the US. Well what do you suppose the chances of Kofi returning to Ghana are when he’s done at the UN? Zero, nada, none, zilch. Kofi’s is used to the US paying for his house, his suites, his cars, his food – everything, or as Kofi would say “ebryting”. Kofi is no more likely to return to Ghana and start living like the third world dope that he is than Mike Tyson is to win a Nobel Prize in physics. But he’ll blast the US because he knows we won’t kill him or even cut him off from his gravy-train. I’d really like to see Kofi go dog Putin when leaves the UN.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Isn't everyone a "pundit"?

Some guy named Frank Rich, a style writer or was it comics, no perhaps theater critic, for the NY Times has declared the Iraq war lost. Well, then that’s that. If the well known food critic of the Times declares the war lost, like Johnny Apple declared the Afghanistan war a “quagmire” two weeks in, what’s the point of continuing?

I have always wondered what qualifies one to be a pundit about something he knows nothing about. How did Frank Rich go from Theater Critic to foreign policy guru? Why is what Frank says taken anymore seriously than what Lex says? Lex graduated in the middle of the pack in high school and at THE Ohio State University, so it can’t be education.

Something has happened to news. Every outlet seems more interested in telling you what what happened means to you than what happened. Yeah, I know a lot whats. Read it again. It makes perfect sense. I’ve read it three times and it gets clearer every time. It’s also a perfect reason why Frank Rich is a pundit. Frank probably has never been so daring as to use the word “what” three times in a single sentence – two times back to back.

But news has become largely unwatchable because everyone has an opinion on the stories of the day and they use their air time to share that point of view rather than tell what happened. Even if a reporter just tells the story, the anchor will egg him on by asking probing questions like, Johnny Blowdried, how does your report reflect the incompetence of the Bush administration?

Then there is the “round table”. Like the Meet the Press round table. Instead of getting someone on the air that might actually know something about the subjects of the day, Russert brings in 3-4 like minded lefties to sit around a table (hence the name round table) reassuring each other that Bush is indeed Hitler and the only way out of the mess we’re in is to legalize gay marriage.

I care a lot less about what Russert and his like-minded lefties think about the ISG report than say Gen Abizaid or even Lance Corporal Smith who has actually been to Iraq. I have a higher regard for what Lex jr. says about Iraq than I do about what the former obituary writer for the NY Times has to say about it. And I am after all a pundit. So I know what I’m talking about.

Friday, December 08, 2006

President Lex announces Iraq Victory Group

Below is the transcript of President Lex’s remarks to the press yesterday on forming an Iraq Victory Group or IVG:

Good morning. I’ve looked at the Iraq Study Group’s report on our war effort in Iraq. I placed that document where I encourage every American to place it, in the sh$%can. I am asking the ten members of the Iraq Study Group to voluntarily reimburse the American Tax Payers for any money paid to them for this sham. I’m also asking that royalties from book deals, appearance fees or other money making arrangements made by the ten member group on the basis of their participation in this abomination be paid directly to the US Treasury. Anything short of the group’s complete cooperation on reimbursing the government fully for the fraud that they have perpetrated on the American people will result in me ordering the Attorney General to sue each member on behalf of the American people to recoup the cost of the ISG paid for by American’s hard earned tax dollars.

That said, this morning I am announcing a new group. This new group will be called the Iraq Victory Group. The IVG will be headed up by retired Marine Corps Commandant Charles Krulak. General Krulak rose to the rank of 4 star general in the US Marine Corps. He directed logistics during our lightening victory in the first Gulf War. He headed up the Marine Corps as its Commandant. Most importantly, he is a fresh thinker and leader.

I have directed that General Krulak find a strategy for victory in Iraq. We are not going to “study” Iraq. If I wanted to do that, I’d employ the simple minds at Ohio State’s school of Communications. Even they could come up with the banalities, foolishness and counter productive measures found in the ISG report which is currently weighing down my trashcan in the Oval Office.

Assisting General Krulak will be the following great Americans

Military Advisors:
Gen. Schwarzkopf (USA Ret.)
Gen. Zinni (USMC Ret)
Gen. Franks (USA Ret)
Gen. Jumper (USAF Ret)
Adm. Vern Clark (USN Ret)

Each of these distinguished military men will be assisted by four active duty military men - two officers O-6 and below and two enlisted men E-7 and below. The only other qualification is that these men must have led troops on the ground in combat operations in Iraq during the last 18 months.

Diplomatic advisor:
Democrat obstructionists in the senate refuse to give John Bolton an up or down vote. The UN’s loss is the IVG gain. I’ve asked John to assemble a team of the best and brightest foreign scholars, diplomats, business people and educators. Their sole mission is to support American interests in the region. The only direction I’ve given is that the regional realpolitic of the status quo not cause us to lose sight of America’s interests or principles.

Information advisor:
I’ve asked Rupert Murdock to assemble a team of news and ad personnel to effectively portray the truth of what is happening in Iraq. This is not the propaganda department. That will be headed up by the prestigious ad agency J. Walter Thompson. The Information Advisor will devise a strategy to get real story of Iraq told. That story includes things other than close ups of the latest car bomb.

Technology advisor:
I’ve asked Bill Gates to head up a committee to explore how we can leverage our technology advantage for success on the battlefield, apply financial pressure on our enemies and those who support them and information dissemination. The fact that we have not cracked the IED problem is a disgrace to this nation. Mr. Gates has been directed to gather whoever is required and spend whatever is necessary and develop a plan to end this scourge in 6 months.

I am directing that the group work mainly from Iraq. This will focus their attention and hasten the completion of their work. Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a “bipartisan” effort at comity with our enemies in the region or political enemies at home. The members of the IVG will all swear an oath that their only interests are America’s interests and that our mission is victory in Iraq. We are a nation at war with a vicious and cunning enemy. It’s time we started to act like it.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Jimmy Baker: Statesman or Iraq Surrender Monkey?

Now that Jim, or as President Bush calls him Jimmy, Baker has finished his surrender treatise on Iraq, Jimmy has turned from his major passion - losing wars - to waxing eloquently on his other favorite subject, college basketball.

When asked about his philosophy on the season Baker offered this:

"Look, the season is over 50 games long. There is no way to win them all. So why try. Our main effort should be to keep the game close until half time. If we’re winning, fine. If we’re down a couple of points and our big man is in foul trouble, we should negotiate with the other team for extra fouls. I’m sure they will recognize that these negotiations are being conducted from a position of strength and will be reasonable about our request. This is not surrender or weakness, it is realistic. Failing to negotiate extra fouls, we should then begin to pull our team from the floor incrementally. We’ll keep them on the bench so that they can be put back into the game if necessary. But many of the players will be sent to the locker room to begin loading the bus. We might as well get a jump on that. When the game is over we will simply declare victory and go home. So while there is no way to actually win all of the games. There is no way anyone can stop us from saying we won all of the games. And that is what’s important. Not the fact that you quit and get beat like a drum, but rather holding your head high and declaring victory."

This commission is a sham. The fact that the only thing it has going for it is that it’s a bipartisan surrender speaks volumes. Bipartisanship is when Conservatives cave into Liberals. Bipartisanship got us McCain Feingold’s assault on free speech, surrender in Vietnam, the Missouri Compromise, the 3/5ths rule, etc. etc.

Look at the High Commission on Iraq. Anyone ineligible for Social Security? Oh, nearly one. Anyone a professional military man? No. Anyone with history of winning international conflicts? None. Anyone a true conservative? Only 3 of 5 “Republicans” could argue that. Sandra Day O’Connor a Republican? Puleeeeez. Jimmy, let’s just say we won, Baker conservative? No.

The best thing President Bush could do with the High Commission is to thank them & ignore them. What a colossal waste of time and tax money.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

No war? Really?

A couple of weeks ago I was having a beer with a like minded right-minded friend and brought up my theory of halves on the Iraq war. The abridged version of that theory is contained in the post below. When I got the first point – only half of America believes we’re even at war – my friend asked, why is that? How can that be?

Well the stock market continues hum along, unemployment is at near all time lows, consumer spending continues to go up, there have been no attacks on the homeland since 9/11 – at least none that the MSM are willing to focus on, the war is contained to a little understood far away corner of the earth and except for the friends and family of those killed and the anti-war for political purposes crowd, that war has no affect on life in the USA. There are no sacrifices asked of the population - no rationing, or rubber and tin drives, not even a bond drive to help pay for the war.

Republicans ask only that we go about our lives as if there were no war, and we’re happy to that. Democrats demand higher taxes to exact some sacrifice from the American people - as if wrecking the economy with higher taxes to pay for every social program under the sun – not the war – will shock us into the reality that we’re at war with a clever, ruthless and patient enemy whose goal is to burn the White House. Also, the only talk about Iraq is couched in terms of how to get out not how win. So how important can it be if all our efforts are focused on getting out and not winning? If it were a real war, we’d be focused on winning – right?

Well sadly it seems, it’ll take another disaster for us to unite, focus on the war and commit to winning it. In the meantime, if you’re a Lib pining for higher taxes so you can feel the war, take the money you want to give the government and give it to the Wounded Warrior Project instead. I guarantee you it’ll be better spent. And if you support the war, or the troops as the Libs claim, support the people who have sacrificed more than most and need the help. Come on it’s Christmas – DONATE.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

What's important, the result or how long it takes?

In an attempt to have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, or as the PC crowd is fond of saying a Happy Holiday, as if they can’t recall which holiday it is, I’ve sworn off most TV & radio talk until after the New Year. Rush is still a must. But, that’s only because ever since I heard his, “I’ll take the job” parody* in 1980 something, I’ve always found him to be genuinely funny. Cutting out the other wannabes works. It’s like cutting out the Sunday morning talkers. Life’s just better.

But like most addicts, I had a brief relapse last night. During a break in Monday night football, I flipped to O’Reilly. As justification for getting out of Iraq, Bill was whining about it taking less time to defeat Japan than the insurgents in Iraq. Well a couple of points occurred to me almost immediately. First, we’re still in, or as the left would say “occupying”, Japan and Germany 60+ years after the war.

Next, what if:
1. The Normandy invasion had failed, would mom & dad have quit? Hell no! They would have found another way to get Hitler.
2. The A Bomb wasn’t available, would mom & dad have sued for peace with Tojo? Hell no! They would have slugged it out with Japan and achieved the same unconditional surrender.

Last is Lex’s rule of halves (quickly becoming the rule of 1/3rd on its way to 1/4th). Half of America does not think we are at war. Half of those that believe we are at war, have no idea what is required to win the war. Half those that have an idea of how to win the war, have no idea what’s at stake. If we knew we were at war with Pan-Islamo-terror-fascists, and we knew that the war would last a generation or more, and we knew that our very survival as a nation hang in the balance, would anyone be talking about a Kissinger model of “Peace with honor for a respectable interval” before ceding Iraq to the ITF? Would Libs, weak Reps and the MSM be rooting for our defeat in Iraq as way of getting back at George Bush?

* Rush Limbaugh had a four word cure for unemployment during Bush 41’s presidency in the late 80s, “I’ll take the job.” Rush would read a MSM report about the poor jobless souls in some community, the kind of report that only surfaces during Republican presidencies, then he would read page after page of “Help Wanted” ads from that community’s local paper. All the while, a catchy jingle played in the background with the hook line, “I’ll take the job”. It was quite funny.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Al Gore legacy one of Sore Looser

The Washington Times, Inside Politics section ran this bit today:

"Democrats whomped Republicans in last month's midterms, but oddly enough they're still calling in the legal cavalry to contest one of the few races they narrowly lost," the Wall Street Journal says in an editorial.

"That would be Florida's 13th Congressional District, which runs along the Gulf Coast from just south of Tampa to just north of Fort Myers. The certified winner is Republican Vern Buchanan, who beat Democrat Christine Jennings by fewer than 400 votes out of more than 237,000 cast. Two recounts, which were demanded by Democrats and required by law, have reconfirmed Mr. Buchanan's victory and slightly increased the margin," the newspaper said.

"Unbowed, the Dems are now suggesting that defective voting machines cost them the race. They point to Sarasota County's 18,000 'undervotes,' or incidences where voters cast ballots in other races but not the Buchanan-Jennings contest. Ms. Jennings -- along with such liberal partisans as People for the American Way and the American Civil Liberties Union -- has filed a lawsuit contesting the results based on 'statistical and eyewitness evidence of significant machine malfunctions' in Sarasota's iVotronic touch-screen system.

"They want a court to declare Ms. Jennings the winner by -- get this -- using statistical models to extrapolate that she would have received most of the undervotes. Short of that, they'll settle for nullifying the November results and holding a new election. But among the many things that are strange here is that if anyone ought to be complaining about undervotes, it's the GOP.

Sarasota is the largest and most Republican county in the district, yet the Democrat, Ms. Jennings, carried it handily. In fact, it's the only county in the district that she did carry, which makes it more likely that it was Republicans who declined to vote in the Congressional race, not Democrats."

This is Al Gore’s legacy and he need not check with his former boss for the meaning of “is” in this case. It means it is now and forever will be. Just as Bill Clinton’s legacy will be of a chubby 20 something year old girl in a black beret on her knees in the Oval Office, Al Gore will forever be known as Sore Looserman.

Al Gore’s failure to allow an orderly recount in Fl coupled with his attempt to count only votes in heavily Democrat areas, disenfranchise military votes and incessant whining since, is now the model for the entire Democrat party.

In close senate races in VA and MT Democrat leader Chuck Schumer promised recounts when Democrats trailed. When they gained the advantage, Schumer declared recounts unnecessary. Republican candidates agreed and saved the states tens of thousands of dollars. In the last governors race in WA, Democrats demanded recount after recount until their candidate achieved an advantage. At that point, Democrats declared that the people had spoken and all counting should cease.

We are in serious trouble when the courts start to determine elections. Thanks Al , uh, Sore Looserman.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Dopey news Friday

Iran stirring up trouble in Iraq
ABC News is reporting that Iran is shipping weapons to terrorists in Iraq. Whooda thunk it? In other breaking news, the alert staff at ABC has declared George Bush the winner of the 2000 election and informed its viewers that, with the addition of Alaska and Hawaii, there are now 50 states in the union. ABC researchers continue to work on a breaking story that JFK has been shot.

You know arguing over whether or not Syria and Iran are fomenting unrest in Iraq is about as dopey as two people arguing over who passed gas in the car when they are the only two occupants. Everyone knows the truth. The news flash is not that the Syrians and Iranians are stirring up trouble in Iraq, the news flash is that we’re not bombing the crap out of them for doing it.

Too much Christ at the Christmas fest
The mayor of Chicago has deemed nativity themes too Christmasy for the city’s Christmas fest. So he has asked organizers not to use them for fear of offending non-Christians. Wow, the mayor is concerned about the sensibilities of non-Christians who willing go to a Christmas fest and then become queasy with all of the Christmas stuff. Dopey. What’s next? Close all of the steakhouses in the city least some vegan wonder into one and become offended by the dead animal flesh in the place.

Civil war? What civil war?
Is it a civil war? Don’t know. The MSM has been begging for a civil war in Iraq for two years now. After begging for so long, NBC got tired and just declared it a civil war. Even other MSM outlets noted NBC's decision was more a political judgment than a news judgment. The whole discussion to me is like two firemen, uh er, firefighters arguing over whether the fire they just pulled up to was deliberately set or the result of some sort of accident. Just put the damn fire out then we can look for arson.

If you're dead, does it matter how many times you were shot?
Sean Bell was killed in hail of 50 bullets fired by five NY city police officers at four a.m. outside a strip club the day of his wedding. As the circumstances of his shooting might indicate, Bell was not a model citizen, which is no excuse for being gunned down by the police. Apparently he and the two others in thecar with him were in the process of their third attempt to run down an undercover officer when the shooting started. That may be sufficient excuse for the shooting. But the usual race baiting weasels have shown up to condemn the police before the investigation has even started. None of that is the dopey part.

The dopey part is the family, MSM and race baiters whining about the 50 rounds. Had Bell been killed by a single well aimed round everything would be fine I suppose. Say each of the five officers was armed with a Glock model 19, 9mm pistol, the weapon of choice of many officers. That weapon comes with a 15 round magazine but can be equipped with magazines holding 17,19 or up to 33 rounds. A well trained shooter could easily fire 10 aimed rounds in five seconds or less.

So, it seems to me that the NYPD should be investigating, among other things, how two people survived a hail of 50 bullets fired by five trained policemen. Why did firemen get changed to firefighter but it's still OK to say policeman? Shouldn't they be called crimefighters or some other PC term by now?