Wednesday, December 14, 2005

I'v never been tortured but...

There’s an old story about a man that walks into a bar and asks an attractive young woman if she would have sex with him once for ten million dollars. The woman, without thinking, says, “Ten million dollars for a one night stand? Sure.” The man then says how about for ten dollars? The woman replies, “What do you think I am some kind of whore?” The man answers, “We’ve already established that you’re a whore. We’re just negotiating the price.”

The US Senate is holding a similar discussion with the house and executive branch with regard to torture. John, I love to hear myself talk, McCain (RepubliRAT, AZ) has agreed that torture can and should be used in extreme circumstances – say on Chris Matthews if the Hardball guy goes more than three shows without having McCain on as co-host. McCain has been given exalted status on torture because he was a POW in Vietnam for so many years. And of course, unless you’ve been a prisoner you are totally unqualified to speak on the subject or torture. Sort of like the time I called the city to report a traffic light that wasn’t working. The city bureaucrat said, “Look bud, you ever built a traffic light? Installed one? Changed the light in one? Then who the hell are you to tell us when it’s not working?” Ahh, yes but I know it’s not working because none of the lights are on. “No you don’t. You don’t know nothing about no traffic light. We build ‘em, install ‘em and fix ‘em. You can’t tell us nothing about no traffic light.”

We all agree that torture is justified from time to time, but it will be the exalted one, John McCain as former POW telling the rest of us when that torture is allowed. So if there is a terrorist with information about an IED in Iraq? The Exalted One will tell us, no that doesn’t rise to the level for the use of torture. Well it sure does if it’s you or your son driving by that IED. Now if there is plot to pull the plug on Tim Russert Sunday morning while the Exalted One is waxing on, well then I’m sure McCain would personally shove the bamboo under one of the conspirator’s fingernails to get to the bottom of the nefarious plot.

I’d be for leaving our torture policy as ambiguous as possible in the hope of deterring a scumbag or two. I might go so far as finding poor souls that have lost eyes and limbs or who have been badly burned in automobile or industrial accidents and pay them to beg on the streets of certain cities (Damascus, Tehran, Riyadh ) claiming that it was the US who brutalized them.

No comments: