Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The government is investigating gas prices; prices will go up as a result

The president is ordering an investigation into why gas prices are so high. Let me guess what they will discover. Could it be that price of crude oil went to $75? Nooo. Well then, could it be the taxes in excess of $.45 per gallon. Noooo. If the government is so concerned about gas prices why don’t they suspend the taxes – at least while they investigate? You’re kidding – right? Well then, how about the fact that we have to drag all of the crude in from foreign countries because the government won’t allow domestic exploration? Noooooo. Well then it must be the government requirement for more than a dozen different blends that foul up the distribution system. Noooooooo. Well then it has to be some macro economic forces which are a combination of all of those forces coupled with America’s insatiable appetite for gas guzzling cars and complete unwillingness to explore alternative fuels – right? Noooooo.

What the government investigation will determine is that gas prices are so high because Exxon gave Lee Raymond a $400 million retirement package. That’s right; it’ll all boil down to one man’s hard work and ingenuity resulting corporate profit and a nice retirement settlement. Exxon’s board must be totally tone deaf. Who did they bounce Lee’s retirement package off of - obviously nobody with an ounce of public relations sense. I could care less what they pay Raymond. Unless he agrees to share his retirement with me, what he gets will have not one penny’s influence on my bank account or the cost of gas. But didn’t anyone at Exxon say, hey you know gas is about three bucks a gallon, Joe six pack might get the wrong idea if we pay Lee FOUR HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS – HELLO ARE YOU CRAZY.

The investigators will determine that the oil companies taking a $.10 profit on each gallon of gas is obscene – even while government takes on average 4.5 times that much. Then the investigator will blame Americans. Those big cars are driving up demand, reducing supply and causing the cost to go through the roof. We need to tax the gas guzzling cars. Well excuse me, but if $.45 of every gallon of gas is tax, aren’t the gas guzzlers already being taxed? Huh, well yes, I mean no, I mean not enough. Well how do you tax a Hummer at the pump without taxing the Prias at the same rate?

So the investigators will devise a policy that kills off safe, sport utility gas guzzling cars. Highway deaths will sore, tax revenues will decline. Gas per gallon will go up. Why? How can that be? We’ll be using less gas and supplies will increase and the price will go down – right? Well, while gas supplies will skyrocket due to more energy efficient cars, gas usage will plummet causing a shortfall in tax revenues so politicians will do what politicians do – raise taxes for the problem that they created.

What really needs to be investigated is why anyone in Washington D.C. is drawing a public pay check.

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