Thursday, September 09, 2010

Handicapping the Republican Presidential nominee

First off let me say that the Republican nominee probably has not yet been noticed. Next, given my handicap during the last cycle where I went from Rudi to Fred to Mitt to anyone but McCain and ended up with McCain anyway, this post means less than nothing.  Last, yep, it's probably too early.  But what the hell, I’m paying for the page so I can do what I want. Yes, I know it doesn’t cost anything to post, and it’s worth every cent.


Cheney: The most qualified guy in America to be president. Yes, that includes the current and former presidents. He’d have a terrible time campaigning between hear attacks and bypass surgeries. If elected, the guy carrying the “football” with the nuclear codes would have to be replaced by a guy carrying a defibrillator. Cheney is out. His, uh, heart isn’t in it.

Newt: Next most qualified guy in the country to be president. He orchestrated the Contract with America and boxed the Slickster in on welfare reform and a balanced budget. He’ll have a tough time after being savaged by the left for 6 years, and sitting on a couch with Grand Fran Nan Peloser to pitch Envirowhackoism. Newt would probably be the front runner until some guy like Ron Paul polling at 2% started to run ad’s of Newt sitting on that couch with a tag line like; Do Republicans want a candidate that agrees with Peloser on anything? The guy at 2% won’t gain, but someone else will.

Mitt: Has the look. Has the money. Has the know how. Has a record of success. Has belonged to the Mormon Church. He’s done. Sadly the whispering campaign would pick up where it left off after the last cycle. You can already hear it in coffee clubs all over: Well you know, I’m no bigot, but those Mormons believe that Lucifer and Christ are brothers and Lucifer lost the Kingdom of Heaven on a coin flip with Jesus and now he just wants to go 2 out of 3. Weird huh.

Hucksterbee: Will be the guy spreading the rumors about the Mormon religion.

Sarah: Watch this gal. She has been all over America endorsing candidates and in the process building coalitions. She can raise money like no other. She can draw a crowd like no other. She is the most like us. While the guys above probably couldn’t drive themselves home from the movies. Sarah packs the whole neighborhood up; takes them to the movie; makes sure the aisles are clean after the movie; stops for ice cream on the way home; then let’s all of the kids spend the night. She’s also probably the best shot with a rifle and the best fisherman (Had Cheney not blasted his buddy, he’d have gotten that honor.). She’s been savaged by the media for three years and only becomes more popular as a result. She’s my candidate. But after 4 years of an unknown inexperienced candidate that turned out to be a total boob, America will not gamble on anyone with Sarah’s experience or rather perceived lack of experience. She’s probably destined to the VP roll again.

Anyone of 20 governors, senators and or congressmen: The nominee will probably come out of this group.

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