Ebola scare hits the heartland

I was talking to friend last night and the subject of Ebola came up.  My friend told me that people where he worked actually asked him what they were going to do for Ebola.  One guy wanted to wear a gas mask.  My friend – a scientist – told him to go ahead but first he’d to go to be tested to see if his lungs were strong enough to support wearing one.  Apparently you can pass out if your lungs are not strong enough to pull air through the filter.

Who knew there was such a test or that it had to be administered before donning a gas mask?  Yeah, all former military types know that the military tests you by the gunny marching everyone into the gas chamber.  Once in, the chamber is closed.  Everyone starts to sing the Marines’ Hymn.  At some point during the rousing rendition, the gunny, already in his gas mask, lights off a CS canister.  Then he waits for what seems like 10 minutes until he hears enough coughing and choking to satisfy his sadistic side at which time he yells “GAS! GAS! GAS!” That’s the signal for the rest of us to begin the test - the signal that it is OK to don and clear your gas mask. 

The trouble with that entire test is that you never know if it is the guy’s lungs or his gas mask that failed when he is led from the gas chamber choking to death with snot shooting from his nostrils like a fire hydrant being flushed on a warm summer’s day that slowly fills the mask’s eye lens like a cartoon.   You can just hear the gunny joke as he examines the fluid collected in the mask through the eye lenses, “Send him back in.  He’s only half full.”

But yeah, right here in Ft. Wayne, IN a guy is concerned enough about the spread of Ebola to consider wearing a gas mask to work.  I told my friend to calm the man by telling him that so far only one person has died from Ebola in the US.  One is a number that is as close to none as it is to two.

Besides what’s the likelihood of anyone with Ebola showing up in Ft. Wayne, IN?  What’s the likelihood of ANYONE showing up in Ft. Wayne who did not have a specific reason for being here, like a wedding or funeral?  But if Ebola does break out in the US, Ft. Wayne may become an attractive destination for people trying to escape the disease for that very reason.

All of this illustrates how vulnerable we are to panic.  But don’t worry the clueless are instructing the incompetent on the incoherent policies established by The Empty Suit for purely political purposes.  So what could go wrong?

Quick question for extra credit:  What previous TES scandal did the current Ebola TES scandal chase from the headlines?  (Play Final Jeopardy theme in your head here.  I know you're doing it.)

 

I’ll accept either Secret Service scandal or the more specific White House Secret Service scandal.  The WH Secret Service scandal is where WH intern Johnny Dach got caught with a Colombian hooker before being hired on by the ditz sisters at the State Department to run – get this – international women’s issues.  You cannot make this stuff up.  Even the People’s Cube wouldn’t try something that obviously azbackward.  But it’s OK because the WH and their press lemmings refer to Dach as a “kid.”  Dach was 25 at the time of the incident.  That means it was OK for him to be on his parent’s insurance policy.  In Dope politics that does in fact make Dach a kid, because "children" can now stay on their parent's insurance policies until age 26.  It also proves the point that “kids” today are NEVER expected to grow up.

 

For your reward for a correct answer, allow yourself an extra Hershey’s bar at lunch today.  We’re on the honor system now.  You’re welcome.