Dear-Dope-a-care and the food police

There’s this bit of non-sense from the LA Times about taxing fat people’s food. This isn’t going to work for a myriad of reasons.

First off tell me how the American that gives every kid on the team a trophy at the end of the year to avoid self esteem issues is ever going to be able to tell fatty, “sorry tubs no McDonalds today and judging from your rotund physique, probably not in this century.”

High schools cannot even recognize high achievers with academic awards, but the lunch lady is going to be telling fat kids to get in the salad line? I don’t think so.

Hasn’t obesity – like every other form of indiscipline – been labeled a “disease” yet by the government yet? That would make fat people disabled and eligible for government protection and assistance.

What about hate crime legislation? Hasn’t somebody come up with a law making it illegal to discriminate against fat people? I think the 7-11 guys would end up in court pretty quick if they ever told two-ton-Tony he couldn’t have that 72 ounce slurpie and the box of Twinkies because he didn’t appear to meet government guidelines for the purchase of such foods.

But there are couple ways to handle this fat food tax. First and most obvious is that we will all be forced to pay for fat-so’s gluttony. That is the only realistic way this going to work. So stand by for a tax on everything that is good – I didn’t say healthy – to eat. In this day and age where cops cannot arrest a belligerent trouble maker who is disturbing the peace and acting like a complete @$$ without the Dear Dope interceding on the @$$’s behalf because the @$$ happens to be black and the cop white, it’s hard to believe that we will be able to turn some lard @$$ away from DQ for ordering a banana split. And God help us all if the lard @$$ happens to be black and the counter clerk white. So we are ALL going to have to pay.

Now one way this might work is if we have some kind of cap and trade on fatty (read anything that actually tastes good) food. So the Dear Dope would get Arugula credits from the whole foods store that he could then sell to the 800 pound Billbo Baggins to buy his double stuffed Oreos. Health nuts like Lance Armstrong and Michael Phelps could make millions selling exercise credits to the masses so we mere mortals could stand in line for hours to get our monthly ration of Mt. Dew.

The bottom line is that the ONLY way to tax fat people for the poor food choices they make is to tax us all. And if Dear-Dope-a-care is passed, the government will find it perfectly within their right to tax out of existence foods – like beer – that the government feels adds to the cost of health care.