Monday, December 17, 2007

Baseball ought to challenge Congress to a drug test

Well the sun rises in the East. The tides come and go with clock like predictability. And Congress now wants to…shall we say…inject itself into baseball’s steroid mess.

Congress, incapable of getting anything meaningful accomplished – like say reducing America’s tax burden, has decide it will pile on the Mitchell Report by holding hearings of its own. The gasbaggery that is congress has indicated an interest in having baseball’s heavies, Selig, Feher and arguably the most important man in baseball today George Mitchell himself testify before congress.

Fine. I hope baseball’s union man, Don Feher, takes the gasbaggery to task.

When I worked on the staff at the Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center in Twenty Nine Palms, CA the local fish wrap printed a cartoon of us in uniform smoking pot floating in an office with goofy faces. The cartoon so outraged our boss, one Major General John I. Hopkins, that he challenged the editor of the fish wrap to 100% urinalysis, Hopkins’ staff against the editor’s.

The editor, taking stock of the dope smoking FM types that populated his office, was forced to decline and later issued a correction and an apology for the cartoon.

Feher ought to take the exact same approach. When the gasbaggery goes on and on abut how important it is to Americans for the national pastime to be clean of steroids Feher ought to say:

Congressman Gasbag, you’re absolutely right. And if it’s that important to the American people that a game that has little or no impact on how 99.9% of them live their lives, it’s probably about 1,000 times more important to them that this congress is drug free. So I’ll make you a deal Congressman Gasbag, I’ll require a 100% mandatory drug test…civil liberties be damned…if you will. In fact, I’ll go one step further. I’ll bet a year of my salary against a year of your salary or a year’s worth of your bribes…ahh campaign contributions…that baseball is cleaner than this dysfunctional institution. The big difference is we’re not screwing up everyone else’s lives.

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