Lex graduated from the smallest high school in Franklin County, Ohio in what used to be a very small town, Canal Winchester, a bit south of Columbus. Today the town ain’t so small and it’s hard to tell anymore where the Columbus suburbs leave off and CW begins.
As small as the HS was, it had a reputation for hard nosed, clean athletic teams in football, basketball, track and baseball. Nobody, regardless of how big or how successful, took the Indians from tiny Canal Winchester lightly.
From the late 60s, when my family moved to town, until the early 80s, when I finally managed enough credits at THE Ohio State University to leave and join the Marine Corps, the Indians won championships, beat teams from schools several times their size and one year had the highest scoring basketball team in the county.
We were the mighty Indians from Canal Winchester and everyone knew that they’d better strap it down a bit tighter and bring their A game when they came into our house or we showed up at theirs.
Those memories are why I was a bit disappointed when I received an e-mail from the Griffin telling me the name Indians was in jeopardy. It was bound to happen.
I get two mental pictures of people who engage in such senseless pettiness, some uneducated, overweight, greasy, toothless, trailer dwelling, white trash woman with a cigarette, a way too tight stretch top and sweat pants bottom complaining in front of her dilapidated double wide to the local TV news while her uneducated, overweight, greasy, toothless, trailer dwelling, white trash kids make faces for the camera behind her; or some over educated, emaciated, prim and proper, Prius driving, tofu eating, save the whales, end global warming, woman wearing Birkenstock flip flops a baggy burlap like shirt and pants that hang on her skeleton like frame as if it were hung on a hanger complaining to the local TV news while her over educated, emaciated, prim and proper, Prius driving, tofu eating, save the whales, end global warming, Birkenstock wearing kids lay around too emaciated to get up.
I wonder which type of Lib idiot is leading the charge in CW to destroy another tradition.
So the Indian mascot is under attack, even though I cannot recall a single incident where the mascot was ever defamed, ridiculed or made fun of – hell we wanted to be like the Indians.
So the Griffin asked if I had any ideas for a new mascot. I racked my small brain. Damn if all the good animals, weather phenomenon, fictitious creatures and characters had already been taken.
Well then, how about The Fighting White Men. We’ll follow up with a sarcastic editorial to the Cols Dispatch agreeing that our school’s tribute to the strength and character of Indian tribes was wrong. Then explain why it was wrong.
Why in the world would we ever want to pay tribute to the fighting skills, esprit and brotherhood of a bunch of backward Godless heathen nomads whose asses we kicked off of their own damned land after traveling 5,000 miles. Talk about an away game. And besides, we all know white men rule - literally. It’s time we paid tribute to our own fighting skills, esprit and brotherhood.
Of course Libs don't get sarcasm or irony. We’d be branded a racist and taken to trial for a hate crime. Proof once again no good deed goes unpunished.