Thursday, June 04, 2015

Transgender people are responsible for global warming uh cooling, uh climate change

I see where the word “transgender” has morphed into trans Jenner.  I woke up this morning feeling more like NFL linebacker than ever. So I called the Bengals front office figuring I’d start at bottom and work way up in the league.  The front office asked for my vital statistics.  I told them that I was 6 foot 230 pounds but quickly told them that adding more weight was no problem.  Then they asked what my time was in the 40.  “Oh I don’t know, depends on what Mrs. Lex is throwing at me.  I’m pretty damn quick when she gets mad enough at me to get her BB gun out.”

Sensing a ruse at this point, the Bengal’s front office was about to terminate the conversation, when I played my ace.  “Look I’m starting at linebacker or I’m gonna sue your azzes off for age, weight and slow non-athletic white guy discrimination.”  The guy just laughed at me.  “No one gives a crap about any of that.  Now if you were a trans Jennered illegal alien with a drug problem and just a bit below average talent, we’d have to take you seriously.”

The entire world is taking seriously the stuff that should be at least ignored and at best mocked mercilessly. The President of the United States went to one of service academies and made a serious speech to that class of graduates about being delict in their duty if they did not see global cooling  - no wait - warming  - no wait - uh, climate change as a national security issue. 

Whatever your opinion about climate change, The Empty Suit’s charge to the US Coast Guard Academy graduating class was stupid beyond belief even for this colossal moron.  There’s a military adage that goes:  Always piss on the fire closest to your feet.  There may be raging inferno but you have to fight the close battle first.  What our sail eared little waif of a president probably does not understand is that the US Coast Guard is not set up in any way to make even a miniscule contribution to curbing what he thinks is the primary cause of climate change – i.e. human activity.  In fact, if they do job of interdicting coastal smuggling and saving distressed mariners, they would probably have to contribute to his BS idea of climate change.  So even if every sailor in the USCG agrees with the dim wit what are they supposed to do about it?   
Wait a minute.  How’d I get from a trans Jenner rant to global Warm-mongering rant?  Idunno either.  I must be distracted by this little bash being put together for our one and only.  I swear it took less effort and money to get Prince Charley and Princess Di hitched than to have a casual gathering of friends and family in for our own prince’s graduation. 

Gotta run there’s a party planning committee meeting and I’m behind on a few of my own milestone progress markers.  Luckily I hid the BB gun. So the worst form of punishment from the committee chair is off the table for now.  Which is a good thing.  The sight in my right eye is just beginning come back.  Yeah, she’s a pretty tough task master.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

From the Griffin....
The Grad Event. You and the sub-adult will be looking for a good time. But someone else, who shall remain unnamed, will by the course of nature, look to achieve martyrdom. That is my experience with these things, weddings, birthing's, etc. Do not fight it. Twenty years from now you will be reminded that the center temperature of the brats were slightly off and the dog tracked in some mud. Have available extra ice, some band-aids, insect repellent, but know that as you correct every mini-crisis, you will not cover them all. That is because you will be handed these crisis' until one is found that you cannot cover. Alas...martyrdom is at hand. Allow it to happen, proudly pin on the CMH medal, then go back to dropping Menthos into the liter of Diet Coke, making sure your best buddy gets soaked. And never tell her I told you!