Wednesday, September 09, 2015

WARNING: Spontaneously funny material to follow

Before we start, I just want you to know that I will be more spontaneous – LOOK! A squirrel – and funny – What do call it when a rapist and the devil walk into a bar as Billbo and the Shrilldabeast are walking out?  A shift change, ba da boom – in this post this morning.

If your plan is to be more spontaneous and funny why wouldn’t you just do it rather than, like the Shrilldabeast, announce that you are going to do it?  Are we all required now to be on the lookout for the pig in the pantsuit to go off on some kind of Donald Trump spontaneous tangent while answering a question from the press?  You know how the Donald does it: “So King XYZ was in my office the other day to talk oil pricing.  By the way, it’s a beautiful office.  One of the most, if not THE most beautiful office in the world.  It’s magnificent.  The best woods, the best designs, the nicest architecture, fantastic lighting, - I have lamp that cost 1.5 million, do you believe that?  It’s true.  Anyway, truly magnificent.  So King XYZ is in my office – to talk oil - and he tells me, ‘Donald I gotta get an office like this.  I’m a king and nothing I have compares to your office.”  Spontaneity ends with the now famous Donald shoulder shrug, palms up, head cocked, like: “I’m the Donald.  Come on.  Of course you – a mere king - have nothing like it.”

I was a Marine for 20 years.  All of the funniest people in the world are in the Marine Corps (They are off-set by an ample assortment dry balls and world class a-holes).  The thing is that none of those guys got up in the morning thinking “I need to hone my already devastating and spontaneous sarcasm to a razors edge this morning.”   First off the Shrilldabeast is not a sympathetic figure in any sense of the word.  People have more empathy for John Wayne Gacey than they do for the rape enabling narcissistic whirlwind of crime, self-pity and grievance mongering that is the Shrilldabeast. 

Next off, she’s about as funny as Deputy Goforth being murdered by one of The Empty Suit’s sons…if he had any.  There is way too much tape of the screeching banshee lecturing us on this issue or that to ever think of this angry partisan POS as anything other than a shrill, angry, partisan POS.  Rush Limbaugh said it best when he called her unelectable because “she reminded too many men of their first wives.”

You can just see the tone deaf Shrilldabeast staffers working feverishly on this morning’s spontaneously funny pitch to the folks in Nashua, NH.  “Goooooooood Morning Nashua!  I just flew in from Chappaqua.  Boy are my arms tired – ba da boom!  Now I know you all want to know about my private server.  Well, she’s a delightful black woman named Milly and she served me poached eggs, toast, coffee and juice this morning….”

This latest re-re-re-re-re-roll out of the new, redefined, modernized, new and spontaneous, newly remade and funny, with new figure flattering Mao pantsuits in an amazing assortment of colors of the same old, old Shrilldabeast will go about as well as the other 27 re-roll outs.

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